


Flugzeuge im Bauch

by emo_hobo



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 18:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emo_hobo/pseuds/emo_hobo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A call from across the ocean takes Jared back to being 19. Not literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for maichan . I can’t even begin to tell you how much I am grateful for the constant help she provides. What I write and what you read are two very different things, all thanks to her.  
> I *heart* you.
> 
> All remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Ich kann allein sein, und das weisst du auch - und doch  
Hab´ ich Flugzeuge in meinem Bauch

Gib mir mein - gib mir mein Herz zurück  
Du brauchst meine Liebe nicht  
Gib mir mein Herz zurück, bevor es auseinander bricht  
Je eher, je eher du gehst - um so leichter, um so leichter  
Wird´s für mich 

I can be alone, and you know it, too - and yet  
I have butterflies in my belly  
Give me my - give me my heart back  
You don't need my love  
Give me my heart back, before it breaks in two  
The sooner, the sooner you go - the easier, the easier  
It'll be for me

("Flugzeuge im Bauch" - Oli P.)

 

 

Prologue

 

Now

 

Jared comes home to the flickering light of his answering machine.

 

"Hi, honey," his mother's voice comes through. "Guess what?" She pauses as if she's waiting for him to ask what. He doesn't disappoint, even if he knows she can't really hear him. "Sophia and Chad are finally getting married! She says he finally manned up and proposed, but I think it was her who put her foot down." She laughs briefly and Jared can see her shaking her head at the youth today. Then she continues: "So she wanted to know if the two of you were coming to the wedding. Call me when you get this. And eat something that classifies as a proper meal! Love you, honey."

 

He doesn't call her back immediately. Instead, he feeds the dogs, eats a sandwich that he can't really taste, opens himself a bottle of beer, and pulls out a family album.

 

It's him, Danneel, and Sophia in the first picture. God, he looks so young, probably because he was young. He flips through the photographs, familiar faces of his cousins, aunts and uncles in a million combinations.

 

He stops at the picture of Josh and Danneel and their twins. It's a pretty recent picture as the twins are almost two years old in it. The girl, Amber, is dark haired and dark eyed, with killer dimples. She smiles brightly into the camera, her arm curled protectively around her brother's shoulder. Ashley (and really, Danneel must've seen Gone With the Wind one too many times) is a total opposite of his sister. He's got golden hair, skin sprinkled with freckles, and emerald green eyes. His smile is shy, barely there.

 

Jared feels butterflies in his belly for reasons that have little to do with the cuteness of toddlers. He hears Josh's voice in his head: "It's just my luck that both of my kids take after their uncles." He laughs to himself, and pulls another picture out.

 

It's a different picture, but the green eyes that are staring at him are the same.

 

~~~~~

Then

“You might as well do it,” his mother says to him. “If you’re taking a year off, it’s the best chance you’re ever gonna get to go visit your aunt.”

 

“I know,” Jared answers, but he doesn’t sound too convinced. “But what if I hate it there?”

 

“Why would you hate it? You love your cousins and your aunt and she’s been bugging you to come forever.”

 

“I don’t know, Mom. What if I die of boredom? What if I starve?”

 

“You will not starve,” his mother laughs a little. “And even if you do get bored, it’s only gonna be two weeks. You’ll live.”

 

And he knows she has a point. It’s not like he’s doing anything important right now and a change of scenery would probably do him good before he starts college next year. He does miss his cousins. They used to be really close before they moved all the way across the ocean.

 

His aunt took his cousins, Danneel and Sophia, to Germany when he was 9 years old and he missed them like he would have missed his own sisters. Especially Sophia. The six years age difference never meant much between them, so when she came to visit 4 years ago, and no one told him she was coming so it would be a surprise, he cried like a little girl. What? He’s man enough to admit it.

 

So yes, he is going to Germany. Even if he starves and dies of boredom while his cousins work and do whatever it is that grown up people do, it will still be worth it when he gets to spend some time with Sophia.

 

And so two months later he gets on a plane and flies across the ocean to Europe. He’s 19 and it’s his first flight ever and he’s more than a little nervous but he sucks it up, puts on a brave face, and just does it.

~~~~~

 

The plane lands in Frankfurt on a gray, misty Sunday morning. It’s so cold he instantly regrets leaving Texas. He is so not ready for February in a frozen Hell. The feeling goes away the moment he spots his aunt waving frantically at him. Warmth flushes over him and the next thing he knows, he’s hugging her, lifting her from the ground effortlessly. He only shakes hands with his uncle, though. He doesn’t really know him. Max is his aunt’s second husband whom he’s met only once, years ago. He doesn’t speak English and Jared sure as Hell doesn’t speak German, so they shake hands, nod and smile, and then they’re on their way home.

 

Jared wants to sleep a little, or maybe for a week, he’s pretty tired after spending the flight with his legs practically curled into him, but before he even gets the chance to doze off, Danneel is there with her new husband, Josh. Jared thanks all gods Josh’s parents are Americans so he speaks English. He’s not surprised, though. He knows foreigners tend to gravitate to their own, and they like to keep close.

 

Josh is nice and he can tell immediately Danneel’s head over heels in love with him, but they can’t get a word in edgewise because she’s already on a roll planing his stay. Starting with tonight.

 

“We’re just gonna go for a drink,” Danneel says. “It’s a small American bar, nothing fancy, just a place for us to meet our friends.”

 

“Is Sophia coming?” he asks because he really can’t wait to see her.

 

“Yeah, she and Chad will meet us there.”

 

Jared grins happily. Suddenly he doesn’t feel tired at all and he’s more than a little happy to be there.

 

Danneel and Josh stay for a little while and when they’re leaving, they ask him to come with them. He’s sure Danneel just wants to flaunt her new husband, her new marriage, her new apartment, and above all, her being all grown up and responsible. Jared weighs his options for a second: spending the day with Danneel and Josh or with his aunt and an uncle he can’t talk to. It’s not much of a dilemma.

 

“Do I need to dress up tonight?” he asks.

 

“Oh no,” Danneel waves her hand dismissively. “You’re fine the way you are. Come on, let’s go.”

~~~~~

 

The bar is… well, it’s red. The walls are red, the chairs are red, the tiles on the floor are red. Jared feels hot the moment he gets in. The fact that the place is pretty much packed doesn’t help, either. There’s a band playing in the corner on a tiny stage and it’s a weird mixture of country and rock and pop songs, most of which are older than himself, but there are people dancing and singing along, so it’s clearly working.

 

They manage to grab a table next to it. It’s a little too loud and the nearby dancers elbow him in the head every once in a while, but he’s still having a pretty good time. He has a cold beer in his hand and Sophia by his side. It’s rather difficult to catch up, he can barely hear himself think. It doesn’t stop Chad, Sophia’s boyfriend, to try to regale their merry bunch with stories Jared doesn’t find to be particularly amusing, mostly just gross. He decides to give him the benefit of a doubt nonetheless – if Sophia loves him, he can’t be all bad. Maybe he’s an acquired taste.

 

Jared’s nursing his second beer (he’s really starting to like this country, if only for its drinking laws) when a guy in a suit approaches their table. Before even Jared gets to question his wardrobe choice (who suits up for a bar on a Sunday night anyway?), he’s pulling a chair out and settling down next to him.

 

“That’s Jensen, my brother,” Josh says.

 

“Oh… hi. I’m Jared,” Jared says as they shake hands. The guy’s grip is warm and firm, but not in a pissing contest kind of way, and the smile he gives him is a friendly one.

 

“So you’re Danny’s cousin from Texas?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared says. “My Mom and their Mom are-”

 

“Two Moms?” Jensen offers and grins.

 

Jared laughs. It’s not the greatest joke but he appreciates the effort.

 

“Heh, yeah, that, but also sisters.”

 

“Right. So how do you like Germany?”

 

“I dunno. I only just got here this morning,” Jared says and wants to kick himself when he realises the tone he said it with left no room for keeping the conversation going. It’s obvious Jensen got the same memo because he just gives a small nod and turns away from him to talk to Josh.

 

Jared searches desperately for something to say but nothing comes to mind, so he just takes another sip of his beer and tries to focus on the story Chad is telling. He’s in the middle of an elaborate narrative involving himself, two of his friends, a truck, and a sheep, and Jared is more than a little glad he didn’t quite catch the details. It’s not that Chad is necessarily a bad guy, it’s just that Jared thinks that the less you know about the inner workings of his mind, the better.

 

He excuses himself to go visit the little boys’ room. Belatedly he realises those were the exact words he used, and it comes to him as a clear sign it’s time he cut down on the drinking, but when he comes back, there’s a bottle of champagne on the table and tall glasses filled with bubbly, golden liquid.

 

“We celebrating something?” he asks.

 

“Jensen apparently is,” Sophia says, and Jensen just shrugs.

 

“Not really. Just felt like drinking it.”

 

“Well, I think little Jay here’s had enough,” Sophia laughs when he trips and almost falls as he’s taking his seat.

 

“I can hold my booze just fine, thank you very much,” he says blushing slightly. He doesn’t know why, but he feels like he’s got something to prove to this Jensen person.

 

The truth is, he really can’t hold his drinks, and by the time they’re ready to go home, he’s more than a little buzzed. In fact, he completely missed it when Chad excused himself and went home, leaving Sophia behind. So when Josh asks Jensen if he could take Sophia home, and Jared immediately wishes it was him getting in that car, he decides to blame it on the buzz. He hugs Sophia goodbye and waves awkwardly at Jensen, and if he’s trying a little too hard not to stare at his lips, well, at least he managed to keep his thoughts to himself.

~~~~~

 

The next couple of days are uneventful, unless he counts Jensen’s face popping up in his mind way too often. He spends time with his aunt, goes grocery shopping with her, takes walks around the neighbourhood. While she’s at work, he lays on the couch and watches TV. Just for the record, German music channels are simply horrible. Like, they play way too much German music. And who knew they dub everything? He certainly didn’t. So yes, maybe he’s a bit bored at times, but he finds out that his aunt is a pretty good cook (and is willing to indulge him, too), and he’s pretty sure by now he’s not going to starve. Die of boredom maybe, but not starve.

 

It turns out that Sophia is really busy most of the time and it’s disappointing. He was really looking forward to spending time with her. It’s not that he doesn’t like Danneel, he loves her, she’s family, but the two of them never hit it off as well as Sophia and he did. Still, he jumps at the chance to go spend Wednesday afternoon at her place.

 

He and Josh get along pretty well. They’re both into basketball and he learns that Josh designs video games for a living. He even lets him test a few in pre-production and Jared ends up having a pretty good time.

 

Danneel cooks them pasta for dinner, and just as he’s stuffing his face, the doorbell goes off. He nearly chokes when Jensen steps in. Suddenly, his appetite is gone and he doesn’t know where to look or what his hands are for. He feels as if the air got sucked out of the room and can only pray his feelings aren’t written all over his face.

 

They end up doing nothing, really. Some German (duh) show is on TV and it’s obviously funny since Josh and Jensen are howling with laughter, but he only understands every twelfth word or so, so he really can’t keep up. Instead, he’s looking at some car magazine he finds under the coffee table. He realises it’s pretty antisocial of him, but he’s not the one to force a conversation or spoil everyone else’s fun.

 

He doesn’t expect the hand that smacks the magazine right out of his grip. He looks up in confusion and Jensen says: “Why aren’t you watching with us?”

 

“Because I can’t understand a word,” Jared says. It’s not his fault everything in Germany is in German!

 

“Well, maybe you should try harder,” Jensen retorts and Jared rolls his eyes. Jensen is a bit of a jerk, he learns. Attractive, but a jerk nonetheless. He doesn’t say anything, though, just picks the magazine up and goes back to it.

 

Some time later, Danneel yawns. It’s got to be contagious because Jared yawns right after, and then Josh, and then Jensen, who gets up and says: “Well, time to hit the sack.”

 

Josh gets up as well, looks around in search of his car keys, then stops.

 

“Hey, Jen, do you mind giving Jared a ride? I’m pretty beat and it’s on your way. I mean, if it’s inconvenient for you, if you have somewhere else to-”

 

“No problem,” Jensen interrupts him. “Like you said, it’s on my way anyway.”

 

Jared’s stomach makes a somersault and he has to mentally slap himself to be able to focus on Danneel who’s talking to him. Well, at him.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,” he says and feels his cheeks heat up. This is getting ridiculous. He’s got to pull himself together before he does something embarrassing, like, confess his undying love to Jensen right there and then.

 

“I said,” she smiles as if she can see right through him (and he realises she probably can), “if you’d rather have Josh drive you, he will.”

 

“No, no!” He can’t get it out fast enough. “No, this is… it’s fine, really. Je- Jensen can take me.” He cringes at the inadvertent pun.

 

“Good. That’s settled then,” Josh claps his hands and stretches, before he sees them to the door.

~~~~~

 

Jared follows Jensen down the stairs in awkward silence, swearing he’s not the only one feeling the almost unbearable tension between them. He can tell Jensen is tense in the way he walks, in the way he holds himself upright. In the way he doesn’t look back at him once.

 

“This way,” is the only thing Jensen says between the time they leave the apartment and are well on their way out of the block. And even that he doesn’t say to him, just throws it vaguely in his direction.

 

Jared’s senses are on high alert which makes buckling the seat belt sound like an explosion in his ears. He coughs once in a feeble attempt of breaking the tension. It doesn’t work particularly well. He racks his brain for something to say for a minute or two and then goes for: “I hope Josh gave you some detailed directions because I have no idea where I am.”

 

Jensen just smirks, lets it hang out there for a little while. Then he says: “Don’t worry. You’re in good hands.” Somehow, he manages to make it sound both like a threat and a promise.

 

Jared wasn’t lying, though. He’s been down this road for four times now, but direction has never been one of his stronger suits, and he really doesn’t have a clue where they are or how much time with Jensen he still has left. That is, until he recognises a bank he knows for certain is in close proximity of his aunt’s place, and that’s only because he actually walked past it this very morning. He sighs. Loudly, it appears, even though he was aiming for inwardly.

 

“What?” Jensen asks immediately.

 

Jared is alarmed for a second because he can’t quite say “oh you know, I just really don’t wanna leave this car without at least kissing you,” now can he? Instead, he just says: “Nothing.”

 

Clearly, he’s a master conversationalist. Jensen gives him a side glance, so he adds: “Just… We’re almost there and I don’t feel like moving.”

 

“Well,” Jensen says in a low voice, “do you want me to keep driving then?”

 

Jared really, really does. He doesn’t trust his voice, so he nods, not looking at Jensen. Jensen doesn’t turn left, just steps on it. Jared closes his eyes and settles a little lower in his seat.

It’s not exactly comfortable after that, but now that it’s clear they’re on the same page, it’s better uncomfortable. He’s got butterflies in his stomach and he shivers. It’s a stupid thing that happens whenever he’s turned on.

 

“You cold?” Jensen asks.

 

“No, I… No.”

 

“I should take you home. Wouldn’t want you getting sick on me. What would Danny say if I broke her cousin the first night I had him?”

 

Jared’s breath catches. He clears his throat.

 

“Uh… yeah. We- we wouldn’t want that.”

 

Jensen parks the car across the street from Jared’s aunt’s apartment. The street is entirely too well lit for… well, it’s pretty bright for midnight, is all.

 

“So…” Jared begins. “Thanks for the… uh… thanks for the ride.”

 

“Anytime”, Jensen says. The bastard is smirking.

 

“OK, well… good night.” And before he can stop himself, he offers his hand for Jensen to shake. “I am trying to SHAKE HIS HAND!” he thinks in panic, but it’s too late, because Jensen takes it.

 

He doesn’t shake it, though. Thank God at least one of them seems to know what to do next, because Jensen takes his hand and pulls him in. Jared goes only too willingly. The first touch of their lips is tentative, but before he knows it, he’s got Jensen’s tongue in his mouth. It feels awesome, a lick here, a bite there, but it’s not enough, it’s not nearly enough. Without thinking, he climbs into Jensen’s lap and straddles him. And oh fuck, is it uncomfortable! The steering wheel is jabbing into his spine while his knee is pressed against the door at an awkward angle. His elbow bumps against the window as he struggles to find a better position. He can only hope what he feels under him isn’t the stick. But then Jensen’s lips are on his neck, one hand is curled in his hair and the other is under his shirt, and he can’t really feel anything but the heat unraveling in his belly and going straight to his dick.

 

“Oh God, ” he pants. “You’re… oh, you’re… really good at this.”

 

“I don’t know…” Jensen says in between nibbing on the skin of his neck, “how you do it in the States… but here… we don’t talk… we do.”

 

And Jared can really get behind that philosophy.

 

He doesn’t remember later how he gets home. He’s willing to bet good money his feet haven’t touched the floor, though.

~~~~~

 

Josh proclaims Saturday to be the Guys’ Night Out, the guys being himself, his best man Chris, Jared and, for some reason, Chad. Jared can’t think of any way of asking about Jensen that wouldn’t raise suspicion, so he just doesn’t. It’s not that he’s hiding something himself, he’s just not sure whether Jensen had said anything to Josh or not. Hell, he’s not even sure if Jensen thinks there’s anything to tell. They made out in the car like a couple of horny teenagers (which Jared technically is), but that’s all. So he keeps his mouth shut.

 

Jared’s grateful for the effort Josh puts into entertaining him. The alternative was going to his uncle’s friend’s birthday. His uncle’s friend’s sixty-fifth birthday. With or without Jensen, and yes, even with Chad, this is undoubtedly a better plan. Even if Chad thinks everyone simply has to know which of the women they pass on the street he finds “doable” (which by Chad’s dubious judgment is 98% of entire female population).

 

Chris doesn’t say much. Actually, he barely says a word to Jared and it’s not until later he finds out it’s because he doesn’t speak English all that well. He smiles a few times at him and doesn’t ignore him or anything, so it’s all good. Chad’s making enough noise for the four of them anyway.

 

“Ooh!” he yells suddenly. “Let’s go gambling!”

 

“We can’t, ” Josh points out. “Jared’s not legal.”

 

“Hey, I’m 19!” Jared objects.

 

“You have to be 21,” Josh informs him. He deflates. “Oh. Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jared. It’s hardly your fault. Besides, my plan’s better anyway,” Josh waves him off.

 

“How can it be better than gambling?” Chad demands.

 

“Go-go dancers,” Josh announces proudly. “Brazilian go-go dancers.”

 

Jared wishes he could be as excited as the three other men are.

 

He finds out soon that what he lacks in finding women sexually appealing can easily be compensated in booze. It’s amazing what people can learn about themselves while dancing the limbo with half-naked Brazilian go-go dancers to the melody of Samba de Janeiro. For instance, Jared’s bendy.

 

Chad, on the other hand, is a fucking lightweight. He gets so drunk he has to practically be carried out of the club. It’s a shame, really, because after Jared had stopped staring at the entrance to the club expecting Jensen to miraculously show up, he started having a really great time. It was nothing that Chad throwing up all over Chris’ shoes wouldn’t put an end to, though.

 

Josh begs Chris to take Chad home, but the guy flat out refuses. “He’s your almost-family, man. You get him in your car.” Or at least that’s what he said according to Josh. Jared’s pretty sure some of the heavy swearing got lost in translation.

 

“All right,” Josh says exasperatedly, “change of plans.”

 

When Jared gives him an expectant look, he elaborates: “My parents live a few blocks down the road. And their house is big enough for all of us to spend the night. Chad’s in no state to drive himself home, and I’ve never been to his place. I don’t see what else there is to do.”

 

“You could call Sophia for the directions,” Jared suggests.

 

“At 2 am?” Josh looks at him incredulously. “Have you met Sophia? Besides, I’m pretty sure Chad wouldn’t appreciate us letting her know just how drunk he got.”

 

Jared can’t argue with that so he obediently helps Josh get Chad into the back seat and tries not to laugh when Josh murmurs: “Please, God, please don’t let him throw up in my car.”

 

Jared only realises that Josh’s parents’ house is the same house Jensen lives in when they climb up the stairs to the second floor (attempting to be stealthy and avoid waking up the entire house - an endeavor that fails completely when Jared trips and knocks over a flower pot), only to find Jensen sprawled on a couch watching TV.

 

Seeing Jensen so unexpectedly comes as a punch to Jared’s gut. He’s spent the last few days convincing himself he’s exaggerated Jensen’s beauty, that the guy couldn’t possibly look as good as he made him in his memories. Flashbacks. Fantasies. Whatever, semantics. But the thing is, he is. His green, green eyes sparkle, his lips are full, almost girly. Jared can still feel them on his skin, he knows what they can do. Want hits him when the image of Jensen under him flashes in his mind. His cheeks go crimson red and he almost chokes on hello. He fails miserably at forbidding himself to stare.

 

Staring turns out to be a good thing because Jensen sits up and pats the couch next to him so briefly Jared’s not even sure he’s really seen it. He goes to sit next to Jensen anyway. You know, just in case… in case Chad chooses to throw up again. Yes. He’s not particularly keen on being his next practice target.

 

Speaking of Chad, he’s actually speaking. Jared can’t tell whether it was the vomiting or climbing up the stairs, but he’s apparently sober enough to start yapping the moment he realises he’s got a new member in the audience.

 

“J’ns’n, m’ man,” he slurs. “Shoulda seen th’ ch’ks, dude. Thurr ’s this sho’t ‘ne that look’d ‘zactly like m’ h’school babe, an’ thurr ’s…”

 

Chad’s voice is surprisingly soothing. Or it’s the unwavering rhythm of his monologue that puts Jared to sleep before he can stop it.

~~~~~

 

He’s certain he must’ve dozed off because Josh is nowhere to be seen and the next thing he hears Chad say is: ” ‘m tellin’ you, man, she was totally the hottest chick in the kindergarten.”

 

“Hmpf,” is what comes out of Jared’s mouth as he’s coming back to consciousness. He’s going for Where am I? or What time is it? or maybe just Hi, but the circles Jensen’s thumb is drawing under his ear are kind of distracting. The hard-on he’s suddenly more than aware of is also distracting and he’s really glad he’s lying on his stomach with his head in Jensen’s lap… Wait, what? Shit, his head is in Jensen’s lap! It dawns on him that the thing uncomfortably poking his cheek is actually Jensen’s way of appreciating having Jared’s mouth pressed against the head of his dick. Another thing he finds out is that he drools while he sleeps. But then again, his lips are pressed against Jensen’s dick, so it’s only natural, right? He’d be embarrassed about it but it’s hard (har har, his inner twelve year old laughs) to think about anything else besides Jensen being right there. If only Chad would do the world a favour and fucking go to bed!

 

“Morning,” Jensen says as he looks down at him. “Wanna go to bed?”

 

Chad’s got to be the most oblivious person ever because he says: “Yeah, man, c’mon. Let’s get some sleep.” and Jared wonders if there’s any way of letting Chad know that the sleeping arrangements have changed slightly without actually saying it.

 

“You just go, Chad,” Jensen says. “I’ll deal with Sleeping Beauty here.”

 

“No, why don’t I just…” Chad trails off as the realisation dawns on him when Jensen lays his hand possessively on Jared’s back. “Oh,” he says. “Oh. So I’ll… Yeah, OK. Night!” But he shakes the awkwardness off quickly, if the leer he gives them is anything to go by. He even offers: “Use protection!” as the last piece of advice before he shuts the door behind him.

 

Jared groans. “Did he really list all of his girlfriends from high school back to kindergarten?” he asks.

 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Yes, he did. So thank you for falling asleep on me. Literally.”

 

“I guess I should try and make it up to you, then,” Jared says bravely, and he barely gets it out before Jensen’s lips are on his and he’s pulling him up into his lap. Jared thinks he should probably mind all this manhandling, but somehow, he doesn’t.

 

” ‘m not a girl,”, he mumbles just to be clear.

 

“Well aware of that,” Jensen chuckles. “Believe me.” He should know. After all, his hands are everywhere. He’s got Jared’s shirt off of him in one smooth move, and the significant lack of boobs should be a big enough clue. It doesn’t stop him from closing his lips around Jared’s nipple. If anything, he’s just trying to prove his point and damn well succeeding at it.

 

“You’re awfully over-dressed, ” Jared says and Jensen manages to get them off the couch and lose his shirt simultaneously. He drags Jared by the hand to the next room. It’s Jensen’s bedroom and Jared only gets a fraction of a second to take in the huge bed that’s occupying the majority of its space before he finds himself flat on his back on it.

 

Jensen undresses them both in what Jared thinks must be some kind of a record and… OH. He’s gorgeous. He’s got this amazingly toned body that’s currently crawling up over Jared’s, drawing attention to his arms – arms which look like they’ve been sculpted by Michelangelo himself and especially designed for supporting ten very talented fingers. Jared’s just about to start appreciating the six-pack Jensen’s rocking when one hand curls around his dick and the other pulls his hair back, exposing his neck for Jensen to sink his teeth in.

 

The sensations are overwhelming, it’s no wonder Jared’s brain is about to shut down. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, hell, even breathing seems like a task he’s no longer able to perform until Jensen says: “Breathe.” Jared opens his mouth to inhale because yes, oxygen sounds like a great idea, and Jensen uses the opportunity to slide a finger into his mouth. Jared sucks on it instinctively.

 

Jensen’s other hand is working a steady rhythm on his dick and it feels oh so good. He can’t really pay attention to anything else so when Jensen presses his finger to his opening, it comes as a complete surprise. He inhales sharply and freezes. Jensen pulls it away immediately.

 

“Are you okay?” he asks and eyes him worriedly. He stops jerking him off and moves away a little. “Jared? Did I do… Jared?”

 

Jared doesn’t say anything. He just closes his eyes, mortified. He knows he’s acting weird and he can’t expect Jensen to understand. He makes a decision and sits up.

 

“You… You didn’t do anything. I’ll just… Let me…” and he starts getting up, but Jensen pulls him back and wraps his arms around him. Huh. So that’s what being the little spoon feels like. Or would feel like if Jared weren’t so stiff.

 

“Relax,” Jensen soothes him. “We don’t have to do anything, okay? Just… don’t leave.”

 

Jared eases into him a little. ” ‘m sorry,” he whispers.

 

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Jensen plants little kisses to the back of his neck. “If anyone should apologise, it’s me. I didn’t mean to… I mean. Shit, you should’ve told me you haven’t…”

 

“Oh, I have!” Jared spurts out. “I mean, I’m not- not a virgin or anything. You didn’t… It’s just that… I don’t particularly like it.”

 

For a while Jensen doesn’t say anything and Jared really wishes he’d just sucked it up and gone with it instead of proving without a doubt that he is, in fact, a girl. But then Jensen says: “What did they do to you?”

 

“Nothing I didn’t want them to,” Jared tries to reassure him. “Really, it wasn’t like that. It just wasn’t what I expected it to be, so… yeah. Sorry. Sorry for being such a disappointment.”

 

“You’re not a… Hey,” Jensen says. “Listen to me. It’s okay. Really. You wanna go to sleep?” he offers as his fingers are trailing up and down Jared’s arm in a comforting way. Jared tilts his head back to look at him.

 

“Um… can’t we just… you know… something else?”

 

Jensen grins. “Sure we can,” he says and leans in to whisper against his lips. “Anything you want.”

 

The next morning Jared has a purple bruise decorating his bottom lip. He prays to God no one asks him about it. Having breakfast with Jensen’s parents is awkward enough without bringing up the whole bed sharing thing. Chad smirking at him from the other end of the table isn’t helping the situation either.

~~~~~

 

Jared doesn’t see or hear from Jensen for a week. He didn’t expect it, of course. Not after how their night ended up. Sure, Jensen was really understanding and if he was angry with Jared, he hid it well, but Jared’s still not expecting him to be thrilled about it. And from the purely practical side, he doesn’t have Jared’s number, because Jared doesn’t even have a number here.

 

That’s why when Josh and Danneel stop by for lunch, he borrows Josh’s cell phone just to text Sandy back home. Sandy’s his best friend but he can’t exactly call her from his aunt’s phone and chat with her for hours. First, because it’s hella expensive, and second, he can’t talk about Jensen with all these ears around. But he really, really has to say something to someone, or else he’ll spontaneously combust or something, so texting it is. Plus, you can delete sent messages.

 

Josh throws him his phone without thinking and Jared fully intends to just text Sandy and tell her he’s alive and maybe just a tiny bit crushing on a guy. But there are two of Jensen’s texts in the phone. They’re sent yesterday. Before Jared can even stop and think about what he’s doing, he opens the first and then the second message. They say Nothing happened. I didn’t do anything. and Because I’m telling you. Who do you take me for? He’s dying to say something - he’s almost positive it’s about him. Unfortunately he can’t say anything without admitting he read what was never meant for his eyes, so he bites his tongue. He wishes he knew why was it so important to Jensen to keep whatever did or didn’t happen a secret. He wishes even more he could stop obsessing over it.

 

Later that day his aunt shows him Josh and Danneel’s wedding pictures. Yes, his days are that exciting. It’s not all bad - he can tell Chad got really drunk just by looking at his face. Pictures of him in various stages of undressing are just a confirmation. He can also tell Sophia’s pissed with him because she’s rolling her eyes in almost every picture. Seriously, why are they together again?

 

“Funny,” Jared says, “never thought Danny would get married in church.”

 

“The Ackles family insisted,” his aunt says with just a hint of coldness to her voice. “They’re pretty strict Catholics.”

 

“Oh I see,” Jared says, but what he thinks is: “OH. I see.”

 

~~~~

 

Then there’s the thing Josh says to him when he picks him up for the weekend. He’s looking straight ahead when he speaks, ostensibly minding the road.

 

“Jared,” he says, “I don’t know what’s going on between my brother and you…” He pauses. Maybe he’s expecting Jared to cut in, to say it’s nothing, to say anything, and Jared would, but it’s not like whatever it is that’s happened… is happening… is going to happen… (see?), has been defined. So he says nothing, and eventually Josh continues.

 

“Maybe it’s not my place to say anything,” he says and Jared’s not going to argue with him there. “I don’t know what he said to you, but… Look, he’s my brother and I love him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see him for who he is.”

 

If Jared hadn’t been paying attention before, this would’ve certainly grabbed it. As it is, he just perks his ears a little more and waits.

 

“Jensen is… he’s pretty selfish, okay? He’s not out. He’s never going to be out. He’d never do anything that would risk his position in the family. You know he works in my Dad’s firm, right?” This is the first time Josh looks at him since he’s started talking. Jared nods curtly.

 

“Well, he’s expected to take it over some day. I… I got out. I didn’t want to live under my father’s rules for the rest of my life, but Jensen… he’s okay with it, as long as he gets what he wants. And he can only get what he wants when my Dad gets what he wants, which is an heir.” Josh laugh bitterly. “He’s got these delusions of grandeur. I don’t even know, man.” He shakes his head and continues: “Anyway, Jensen’s the golden boy, you know? He’s supposed to do what he’s told, get married to a nice girl, have children, take care of the business, the whole deal. I know who he is, but my parents don’t, and they’re not going to. He’s not gonna give up this life he’s got mapped out. Not for anyone. I just thought you should know that if… before things get out of hand.”

 

Josh’s words echo in Jared’s head for the rest of the day. They seem to be on a loop while they play Grand Theft Auto for a couple of hours, he can hear them while he helps Danneel with the dinner. They don’t go away while he’s doing the dishes afterwards. Even when Sophia and Chad show up with a bottle of tequila and a couple of DVDs, he still can’t kick them out of his head.

 

It’s not until Jensen shows up that he forgets all the warnings. Once he lays his eyes on Jensen’s smirk and takes in the way his t-shirt strains across his chest, there’s not a thing left to worry about in his mind. Jensen’s there and Jared wants him. If he’ll have him, there’s no price Jared’s not willing to pay.

~~~~~

Tequila is, as Jared discovers, awesome. He doesn’t get hammered (Chad takes care of that one), but he’s pleasantly buzzed. The colours are at the same time softer and brighter. It’s weird, but awesome. There are some other things that are awesome as well, like the way Jensen’s thigh is pressed against his or how he keeps leaning a little more into him as the time passes by, to name a few.

 

Jared is pretty sure Jensen’s pretending to be more drunk than he actually is. He can tell, because the hand that is stroking the small of his back under his shirt is too deliberate in its movements for sloppy drunken groping.

 

Sophia takes Chad home when he reaches the point of undressing. Jared makes a mental note to never allow himself get drunk alone with Chad. He might be gay, but he’s not gay enough to want to see Chad naked. No one is.

 

It’s almost 1am, the evening is coming to an end, and Jared is already feeling all kinds of disappointed when Danneel says: “I don’t think you should be driving, Jen. Why don’t you stay for the night?” Jared kind of wants to marry her now… you know, if she weren’t already married and related to him… and if he didn’t want to marry Jensen more.

 

“You okay with that, Jared?” Josh asks.

 

“Yeah, sure. He doesn’t scare me,” Jared lamely jokes.

 

Josh looks like he’s about to say something, but then changes his mind, and bids them good night. Danneel shows them how to pull the couch out, brings them some pillows and sheets, and turns the lights off as she leaves the room. There’s just the two of them then in the room lit solely by the flickering light coming from the muted TV.

 

Jensen sits down on the bed and pulls his t-shirt over his head while Jared just stands there, suddenly feeling out of place. He doesn’t know what the proper etiquette of the situation is. Does he just strip? Should he get on the bed, too? Maybe let Jensen undress him? And oh God, what if he’s been such a disappointment that Jensen really is just going to sleep? He shifts on his feet and bites his lip.

 

Then Jensen looks up at him with puzzled expression. He smiles. “C’mere,” he says softly, and Jared goes.

 

It’s completely obvious then that Jensen is anything but drunk. His fingers don’t fumble with the buttons. There’s nothing clumsy in the way he lays Jared down and drapes himself over him. Before he even kisses him for the first time he says: “I need you to tell me if I do anything you don’t like, okay?” Jared breathes out “Yeah” and then Jensen is kissing him.

 

He’s incredibly gentle. He’s holding Jared as if he might break, and it’s up to Jared to grab his head and pull him closer, to get more. Jared lets his legs fall apart to make room for Jensen to settle in between. Jensen rids him of his shirt. Finally, they’re skin on skin. His heart beats so fast, he’s sure Jensen can feel it.

 

Jared can’t quite believe he’s got this gorgeous man half-naked in his bed. He knows he’s not bad looking himself, but he’s too aware of how skinny and weirdly angled his body is. He contemplates worrying about it for a few seconds, but Jensen doesn’t seem to have any problems with how Jared looks or feels under him. He’s sliding his hands down Jared’s chest and kissing his neck, all the while making these small noises that send shivers down Jared’s spine. Jared’s finding it hard to believe that the Jensen Josh spoke of and this one - who’s looking at him like he’s beautiful, who’s touching him like he’s precious - could be one and the same person.

 

Jensen’s doing these wonderful things with his tongue to his ear and he needs to release the pressure in his jeans. He gets his hand in between them. Jensen abruptly stops nibbling on his earlobe.

 

“Are you sure?” he asks in a raspy voice. Jared nods eagerly. Jensen unzips him and the relief that it brings lasts only till he feels Jensen’s hand palming him through his boxers.

 

“Nnngh,” comes out of his mouth as he jerks up into Jensen’s hand. Jensen rubs him slowly and when Jared’s breathy “please” comes out, he hooks his fingers under the waistband of Jared’s underwear and slides it down. Some time, somehow, Jensen must’ve gotten out of his clothes too, because when he brings himself back up along Jared’s body, he’s completely naked. His skin radiates heat as he’s pinning Jared down with the weight of his body. It’s making Jared a little lightheaded. Could be the remains of the tequila in his bloodstream, though.

 

Jensen lines them up, Jared’s hips jerk up involuntarily, looking for friction, begging for more, and Jensen grins against his mouth.

 

“You like that, huh?” he teases.

 

“God, yes,” Jared pants. “I want…” He bites his lip when Jensen starts rocking against him. “Oh fuck!” he swears. “I want…”

 

“Tell me,” Jensen demands.

 

“I want you to… try.”

 

Jensen doesn’t ask him if he’s sure again, just slides off the bed, and rumbles through the discarded clothes on the floor. When he comes back, Jared eyes him carefully as he coats his fingers with lube.

 

“You should probably get on your stomach,” Jensen says.

 

“No,” Jared refuses. “I wanna see you.”

 

Jensen nods and gets between Jared’s spread legs. Without any warning he leans in and takes Jared in his mouth. It takes Jared by surprise, so much so, he doesn’t even notice Jensen’s rubbing the rim of his opening with his finger, keeping in rhythm with his mouth sliding up and down. He flicks his tongue over the head and pushes one finger in. It’s impossible to miss that. Jared tenses. Jensen stills his hand. He looks up at Jared who draws in a shaky breath and says: “Keep… keep going.”

 

He doesn’t move his hand until he’s back to licking and sucking on Jared, who has to bite down on the back of his hand to muffle the sounds that threaten to come out of the back of his throat. Then Jensen adds another finger and swallows Jared’s cock all the way down. It’s tight and hot, wet and slick, and Jared’s never felt anything like that. He doesn’t want it to ever end, but then Jensen crooks his fingers inside of him. There’s not even time to warn him before he’s coming down Jensen’s throat with almost violent shudders.

 

“Sorry,” he says when Jensen lifts his head up and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “What… oh God…” He breaks off as Jensen’s busy fingers continue sliding in and out him, brushing against that spot. It’s very hard for Jared to think straight amidst such a distraction. “What… what was that?”

 

Jensen smirks.

 

“Jared, meet your prostate.”

 

Jared laughs shakily, then stretches his arm to pull Jensen into a kiss. He can feel just how hard Jensen is, pressed against his thigh. He knows he’s not getting any more relaxed than this, so he breaks the kiss and says: “Okay, Jen… I’m… I’m ready.”

 

Jensen wastes no time. He slips a condom on and slicks himself up thoroughly. “Breathe,” he reminds Jared as he’s lining himself up. Jared focuses on Jensen’s face, tight with concentration and, Jared imagines, restraint, as he feels the blunt tip making its way inside of his body.

 

Jensen takes it slow, almost painfully so. He’s barely in when he stills and continues only when Jared jerks his hips to meet him, to welcome him.

 

“C’mon, c’mon,” Jared urges and Jensen slides all the way in. It’s a little uncomfortable, maybe even more than a little, but he forces himself to relax, and tells Jensen to move. There’s a slight burn, but it’s not entirely unpleasant.

 

Jensen’s breathing is getting heavier with every thrust, but Jared can tell he’s holding back, going slow and careful. God help him, but it’s turning him on! He just came but he can feel himself getting hard again. He inhales and exhales in time with Jensen and his body opens up to him. Then Jensen changes the angle a little as he speeds up and oh! There’s that spot again.

 

Suddenly, it’s good. Jared’s eyes widen with amazement because this is how it’s supposed to feel. This is it. Jensen must see it on his face because he smiles and goes a little faster. They’re both panting ad sweating, Jared’s hands curl into the sheet for something to hold on to. He’s meeting Jensen’s body at every thrust, and Jensen’s got him by the hips in a grip that’s sure to leave bruises come morning.

 

He doesn’t care. He wants this to last forever, but it’s not going to, because Jensen’s got one hand on his cock and is stroking him hard and fast. His whole body arches into Jensen’s as his orgasm hits him even stronger than before. And with a few final, short, erratic thrusts, he can feel Jensen coming too, before collapsing on top of Jared.

 

It takes five, maybe ten minutes before he can speak, and when he does, with a blissful expression on his face he says: “So that’s what sex feels like.”

 

“No,” Jensen grins. “That’s what sex with me feels like.”

 

Jared laughs. Then he sleeps.


	2. Chapter 2

“This is the best day ever!” Jared thinks as he wakes. The birds sing louder and the sun shines brighter, and if that’s a little unusual for the middle of February - so be it. Truth be told, it’s snowing and he fucking hates it. He’s stuck in his aunt’s apartment with absolutely nothing to do but replay every single moment of his night with Jensen over and over again. Not that it’s not entertaining, it’s just that he’d prefer the real thing. He lives in the constant state of being half-hard. He forces himself to think about baseball, killing kittens, old people having sex… but nothing helps. At this point even the old people seem halfway enticing.

 

He spends Thursday afternoon with Chad, of all people. The guy called out of the blue and asked if Jared was up for some ice cream. Jared suspects Sophia put him up to it.

 

“Ice cream? Really? Is that the best you can come up with?”

 

“Hey, if you don’t wanna…” Chad trails off.

 

“No!” Jared screams into the phone. “God, no. Ice cream sounds awesome. Just get me out of here.”

 

Chad laughs and says he’ll pick him up in a half an hour. Jared isn’t even surprised when he’s almost an hour late, but he cannot bring himself to care. He’s going out! It’s high time he did, too, because that annoying German techno song, Faster Harder Scooter, was beginning to sound more familiar than the Star-Spangled Banner. He might’ve changed the Scooter part to Jensen, though.

 

They go to a mall. Chad’s original like that, but Jared’s not one to complain, especially when he’s faced with a huge banana split. His expression probably gives away his delight, because just as he’s about to dig in, Chad says: “Figured you’d appreciate a banana in your bowl.”

 

Jared groans. “Dude. You did not just say that. What does it even mean?!”

 

“Hmm…” Chad hums. The thinking face he makes looks unnatural on him. “If I need to explain, then Jensen’s not the man I thought he was.”

 

Jared blushes.

 

“Oh my God!” Chad squeaks out like a girl. “He totally fucked you, didn’t he? I knew it!” He pumps his fist in the air.

 

How is that his accomplishment, Jared doesn’t know. He does know his sex life is not something he wishes to discuss with Chad.

 

“Seriously?” he asks incredulously. “You want to talk about butt-sex?”

 

“Sex is sex, man,” Chad waves him off. “Besides, one time I talked Soph into…”

 

“OH DEAR GOD, NO!” Jared covers his ears dramatically. “Close relative here!”

 

“Oops”, Chad says not sounding contrite at all. “Sorry.”

 

“Too late,” Jared says gravely. “It can’t be unheard.” It effectively takes his mind off fantasising about sex with Jensen, if only for a while, so he counts it as a win.

 

~~~~~

 

On Friday night Josh, Danneel, and Jared meet with Sophia and Chad at some club. He doesn’t remember hearing its name, but it doesn’t really matter anyway. It’s dimly lit, loud, crowded, and filled with the pungent scent of sweat and cigarette smoke. Jared loves it even so.

 

Sophia drags him out to dance and no, he’s definitely not drunk enough for that. He flails his arms about uncontrollably and kicks his feet with no rhyme or reason. All in all, he’s well aware of looking like a spastic chimp, he just doesn’t care.

 

Sophia, on the other hand, isn’t beneath mocking him mercilessly, and makes it her job to describe to everyone in their booth in vivid detail every awkward move he made on the dance floor. She pays special attention to the unfortunate incident of knocking some random girl’s glasses off her face.

 

Jared’s fine with being laughed at, normally. Most of the time, he’s the one doing it. But right now, there’s Chris and Jensen listening to her. They must’ve arrived while he was “dancing”. They sit awfully close, if you ask Jared. Chris has his arm swung behind Jensen, and he’s laughing just as loud as everyone else. Since when does he understand English that well anyway? When Jared flushes with heat, it’s not from the physical exertion. He can’t bring himself to look up, just curls his hands into fists in his lap.

 

Then Jensen lays his hand on Jared’s thigh. When Jared lifts his eyes to meet his gaze, Jensen’s grinning at him.

 

“Hi there,” he says softly and leans in for a brief touch of their lips. Chad, the bastard, wolf whistles.

 

“Hi,” Jared breathes and smiles serenely. All the Chrises of the world cease to exist. As does everyone else.

 

When they call it a night, no one even asks Jensen if he’s coming to stay at Josh and Danneel’s. It’s a given.

 

~~~~~

 

Jared wakes up to an empty bed. He panics until his brain kicks into gear and he remembers Jensen telling him he had things to do in the morning. It’s their father’s birthday and they’re having a small celebration just for the family. Jared doesn’t expect to be invited, but Josh informs him that he’s family which makes Jared feel warm all over. And if he lets himself believe Josh thinks of him as more than just Danneel’s cousin, no one has to know.

 

The ride to Josh’s parents’ house seems to take forever. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t seen Jensen for what feels like an eternity, even though it’s probably closer to 8 hours. He can’t stop thinking about last night when he had Jensen in his bed again, and can’t help getting hot and bothered again. It only takes Jensen shaking his hand formally in front of his entire family for Jared to almost come into his pants, right there, in the middle of the living room. He ends up fidgeting the whole time, mortified with the thought of someone noticing he’s hard inside of his jeans.

 

Jensen does, of course. He must know exactly what’s on Jared’s mind, because he keeps throwing him these glances, even sneaks a wink here and there. When he licks his lips obscenely as he’s stuffing himself with cake, Jared tries really hard not to look at him. It goes as successfully as would telling a sunflower not to follow the sun.

 

After the so-called party, the four of them decide to go for a drink. At least that’s what Josh suggests, but once they’re outside, it’s clear that they’re not going anywhere, not together anyway. Josh and Danneel get into their car and after a quick see you later, they drive away.

 

“Where are we going?” Jared asks as he gets into Jensen’s car.

 

“For a drink, of course.”

 

They drive for a while. Every time they stop at the traffic light, they make out. Jared’s had the entire day of foreplay, if only in his head, and right now he can’t take his hands off Jensen. They don’t stop tongue fucking each other’s mouth until there’s angry honking from behind.

 

“I don’t want to go to a bar,” Jared says when he gets enough air in his lungs.

 

“Oh,” Jensen says with something resembling disappointment. “You want me to take you home?”

 

“No, you idiot,” Jared laughs. “I want you to- to take us somewhere where we can… you know… be alone.”

 

Jensen smirks at him. “If that’s what you want. Hold on, I know just the place.”

 

They end up sneaking into a drive-in. It would feel like driving into the middle of the 50’s if it weren’t for Tom Hanks’ huge face plastered across the screen. Jared’s seen Cast Away, but even if he hadn’t, he’d still say no when Jensen offers to turn the speaker on.

 

“C’mon, Jen, you know I don’t wanna watch the movie.”

 

“I see,” Jensen says in amusement. “What do you want then?” the bastard teases.

 

“I want you to fuck me,” Jared says and looks him straight in the eyes, fighting the blush that’s threatening to creep up his cheeks.

 

Jensen laughs, not mockingly, but happily. “Oh my God, what have I done to you?”

 

“I don’t know,” Jared says honestly. “But it was good and I loved it. And I wanna do it again. Now.”

 

“God help me, I’ve created a monster!” Jensen cries rolling his eyes. Jared chuckles. Then he leans into Jensen’s neck and nuzzles it.

 

“You’ve got no one but yourself to blame. Now deal with it,” he says in a low voice. His hand wonders down to Jensen’s crotch. “Please,” he adds.

 

Jensen groans. “You’re killing me, you know that?” Then he’s grabbing and kissing him hungrily, like he’s water and air, like he’s everything Jensen needs. Jared starts unbuttoning Jensen’s jeans, but Jensen’s swats his hand off.

 

“No… no… we can’t…” he pants. “Stop… stop… wait, Jared, wait.”

 

Jared doesn’t want to stop, he doesn’t think he’s got it in him to wait another second before he has Jensen on him and in him, but Jensen grips his arms firmly and says: “We can’t, Jared. Not right now.”

 

“Why not?” Jared honest to God whines. “I want it.”

 

“Yeah, no kidding,” Jensen says, and Jared frowns, not understanding why Jensen is being a jerk. He must see it because hurriedly he adds: “No, no, don’t think I don’t want it, because I do, I really, really do, Jared.”

 

Jared refuses to look at him. He feels stupid and embarrassed. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. God, Jensen must think he’s such a loser, a horny teenager who’s had a couple of orgasms and now can’t get enough. The rat with the pleasure button got nothing on Jared.

 

“Jared, look at me,” Jensen orders. Jared flicks his eyes to him for a moment, then trains them back to his hands. Jensen sighs in exasperation.

 

“Jared. Believe me, I want nothing more than to spread you in the back sit and fuck you till you can’t think straight.” Jared shivers with the mental image that produces. “But I don’t have the stuff and I’m not willing to ruin this for you by hurting you.”

 

It takes a beat or two before what Jensen is saying sinks into Jared’s brain. “Oh,” he says then.

 

“Yeah,” Jensen confirms. “So are we good?”

 

“No,” Jared says and Jensen opens his mouth as if he’s to protest, but Jared adds: “But we will be if you let me suck you.”

 

Jensen’s grins as he pulls Jared closer with a hand curled around his neck. “I think I can allow it.”

 

“Jerk,” Jared mutters into his mouth.

 

“That too, if you want,” Jensen replies playfully, but he stops laughing when Jared gets his head into his lap, pulls his dick out.

 

He’s got no technique, that’s for sure, but what he lacks in finesse, he makes up for with enthusiasm. Judging by the moans Jensen makes, enthusiasm counts for a lot. He tries to deep throat, thinking it can’t be that hard, but he finds quickly it actually is. He gags and has to come up for air, but then he’s back to it, helping himself with his hand, jerking up and down the length of Jensen’s cock while he sucks on the tip. He must be doing something right because it’s not long before Jensen’s spurting into his mouth. He swallows what he can manage, but he’s not a fan of the taste, so he lets most of it drip down his chin. He looks for something to wipe his face with. To his surprise, Jensen takes care of that for him by kissing and licking his own jizz off of Jared’s face. He leans back into his seat with his head thrown back and his eyes closed, breathing heavily.

 

“That was…” he begins but he never finishes. Instead he says: “I think it’s only fair I return the favour now,” and he reaches for Jared’s fly but Jared catches his wrist.

 

“Yeah… no. I kinda already… in my…” Jared ducks his head down in embarrassment. Jensen laughs softly.

 

“Then I guess I owe you one,” he says, and starts the engine.

 

~~~~~

 

On Sunday morning the phone rings and Josh answers.

 

“Hello? Hi, Dad.” He pauses, looks at them and says: “Yeah, he’s here. … Just us and Jared. … You wanna talk to him?” Mr. Ackles clearly doesn’t so Josh continues: “He had a little too much to drink last night and didn’t want to drive. “He listens for a second, and then starts, as if he’s warning him: “Dad, don’t- It’s not like that.”

 

The second pause lasts a little longer, but Josh just smiles and rolls his eyes. “Yes, Dad, we will see you at church. K, bye.”

 

He shakes his head as he hangs up.

 

“Dad’s checking up on you, Jen.”

 

Jensen’s jaw tightens. “God,” he mutters. “I’m not a fucking kid anymore.” His fists are clenched so hard they go white, and if Jared’s honest with himself, he’s a little scared. He decides to stick to lying.

 

Josh starts, “Well, maybe if you tried acting…”

 

“Don’t,” Jensen cuts him off. “Don’t say a fucking word.”

 

Josh throws his hands up in the air in mock surrender. “I didn’t say anything, baby bro. Hey,” he quickly changes the subject, “we should get going if we don’t want to be late. Danny, ready to go?”

 

“Um, I think Jared and I are gonna skip church today,” she says with a wink in his direction. Jared grins.

 

“What about Sunday dinner with my folks?”

 

“You go. Jensen can take you. Jared and I are gonna eat out and I’ll come pick you up later. How’s that?” she suggests.

 

Jared knows something’s up. It feels as if she’s protecting him, but he can’t tell from what. Jensen? No, he doesn’t believe that, not for a second. Sure, he can tell Jensen’s angry about something, but he’d never take it out on Jared. Jensen… okay, he may not love him, but Jared is certain he cares about him. Jensen is gentle when he holds him, makes Jared feel like he matters. Jensen would never hurt him in any way. He really doesn’t want to leave Jensen when he’s upset and he’s just about to say so when Josh interrupts his thoughts: “Yeah, that may be best.”

 

Jensen doesn’t say a word the whole time, just gets up, briefly pecks Jared’s lips, and leaves when Josh says it’s time to go.

 

~~~~~

 

Danneel tricks Jared into going shoe shopping with her by promising him candy. He complains about carrying her bags the whole time nevertheless.

 

“Aww,” she coos, “but if you weren’t so strong and handsome, you wouldn’t have gotten Jensen.”

 

It’s the first time he’s been mentioned and Jared jumps at the chance of asking the question that’s been nagging him all day long.

 

“Speaking of,” he says, “what was that all about?”

 

She tries to play dumb, but he gives her a don’t-give-me-this-shit look, and she sighs.

 

“Fine, fine. Look, I know what Josh told you about him. I think, and this is only me guessing, I think that Alan suspects something’s going on. I’m pretty sure he knows about Jensen, but he’d never admit it. He’s the kind of a man who thinks that a problem will go away if he ignores it for long enough.”

 

“Jensen’s not a problem!” Jared interrupts angrily.

 

She pats his hand sympathetically. “I know that, honey. But he doesn’t. And I’m afraid nothing’s gonna convince him otherwise.”

 

Her phone chirps then, signaling a text message has arrived.

 

“Goddammit!” she swears as she reads it. Before Jared can ask, she explains: “It’s Josh. He says Jensen and his Dad had a fight. They’re at our place. We should go.”

 

The ride seems to take hours. Jared is on the verge of jumping out and running every time they hit a red light. His knee is twitching nervously and he bites the nails on his right hand until they bleed.

 

He gets his chance to run when they enter the building. He practically flies up the stairs and wraps himself around Jensen the moment he sees him. By Jensen’s breath when he violently kisses him, he can tell he’s been drinking. The shot glasses on the coffee table tell him only that he wasn’t drinking alone.

 

“Oh that’s fantastic, Josh,” Danneel says in place of hello. “Drinking! Way to go solving your problems.”

 

“I’m not drunk,” Josh says defensively. “And I told Jensen he can stay here tonight.”

 

Jared looks at her with a wordless plea. One look at Jensen curled up in Jared’s embrace makes all her anger seep away. “Of course he can stay here,” she says softly. “But then…” she pauses as she’s thinking. “Then Jared will have to be here tomorrow till we come back from work. Is that all right with you, Jay?”

 

He nods. “Yeah, yeah. Just call your Mom, tell her I’m not coming home tonight.” She takes the phone and goes to their bedroom to make the call. He’s pretty sure she’s calling Sophia, too.

 

“That reminds me,” Josh says suddenly and, as far as Jared can tell, in relation to nothing that’s been said. “I got a text message from some guy named Tom telling me he misses me and asking me when I was coming home. I think that might be for you, Jared.”

 

Jared’s initial reaction is to laugh, then maybe to feel embarrassed because he didn’t realise he’s supposed to warn his friends about sending texts to stranger’s phones not being the best idea, and possibly to kill Sandy for passing Josh’s number around. Then Jensen goes very still before he extracts himself from Jared’s embrace and stands up.

 

“Who’s Tom?” he asks dangerously quiet.

 

“A friend of mine from home,” Jared says in confusion.

 

“A friend,” Jensen repeats flatly. “A friend that misses you. Right.”

 

“What are you… Jensen!” Jared gets up and takes a step towards Jensen, but he raises his hand, so he stops midstep.

 

“I think I’m gonna go now and hang out with my friends,” he says bitterly and Jared can just hear the air quotes. “I can’t remember the last time I spent a night with them. They must be missing me.” And yes, there’s the air quotes again. He storms out of the door before Jared can stop him, before he can explain.

 

~~~~~

 

Jared spends his evening on edge, twitching at the slightest sound that might announce Jensen’s return. He doesn’t come back. Finally, around midnight, Danneel gently tells him to go to sleep. Josh has turned in two hours ago, claiming there’s no way his brother was gonna return, and refusing to lose sleep over his “outbursts”. Jared crawls under the covers but he doesn’t sleep. He tosses and turns, switches the TV on and off a few times, then gets up for a glass of water just to spit it into the sink. Dawn finally creeps up on him. It’s only then that he accepts that Jensen’s not going to show up and allows himself to close his eyes and sleep restlessly for a few hours.

 

Morning finds him in an empty apartment. His whole body aches like he’s been beaten up. There’s a note Danneel’s left him on the kitchen table telling him to make himself whatever he wants for breakfast and how to work the coffee machine. He feels sick to his stomach at the thought of food. Coffee sounds like a blessing though, so he makes some, then aimlessly wanders around the apartment with a cup in his hand. He barely remembers to take a sip or two before it goes completely cold, and he gives up on it.

 

It’s almost noon when the phone rings. He doesn’t answer, of course. It could be anyone, and chances are, that anyone would be speaking German. He lets the machine takes it and after an unintelligible string of words and the inevitable beep, Jensen’s voice comes through.

 

“Jared? Are you there?”

 

Jared jumps up and gets to the phone, then stops, eyeing it warily.

 

“Jared?” Jensen tries again. “If you’re there, please pick up.”

 

That snaps Jared out of his numbness and he picks the phone up. “Yeah?” he barely whispers.

 

“Hey,” Jensen says and Jared feels like he’s been drowning and someone’s just pumped air back into his lungs.

 

“Jensen, Jensen, you have to believe me, Tom’s just a friend, I swear to you! He’s not… there’s no one… I would never… Jensen, please…” he breathes out.

 

“Hey, hey, calm down,” he hears Jensen say. “It’s okay, really. Look, they’re sending me home from work. They said I looked like death warmed over,” he laughs briefly. “I was thinking I could come over. If you want.”

 

“Yes!” Jared yells, then tries to regain some of his dignity. “I mean, yeah, sure. I’ve been going out of my mind here anyway. With boredom!” The last part he adds hastily.

 

Jensen chuckles. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll see you then in about an hour.”

 

~~~~~

 

It takes Jensen exactly fifty-eight minutes to get there. Jared knows because if he wasn’t pacing through the living room, he was compulsively checking the time. When Jensen comes up, Jared’s waiting for him with the doors wide open. Jensen immediately drops his bag on the floor and presses him against the wall, but not before Jared takes in Jensen’s pale face and the dark circles around his eyes. He kisses him roughly, wasting no time before he’s unzipping him right there and then. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry is said with every stroke, with every ragged breath they unwillingly take. Breathing means parting their lips and neither of them wants it.

 

Jensen jerks Jared off in no more than a couple of minutes, then he’s guiding him backwards to the living room, leaving the trail of scattered clothes behind. He bends Jared over the side of the couch and fucks him with almost no prep at all, just a few token thrusts of his spit-slick fingers in and out. Jared lets him do it. He’d let him take anything he wanted.

 

When he comes, Jensen falls on top of Jared, panting. He doesn’t say anything for the longest time, then kisses him between the shoulder blades, and gets off of him.

 

After Jared cleans himself up and comes back from the bathroom, Jensen’s sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand, the rest of the six pack on the table.

 

“I brought beer,” he says with a quick glance in Jared’s direction. As far as apologies go, Jared’s had better, but he’s willing to let it slide.

 

“Oh honey,” he squeaks as he curls into Jensen’s side, “you bought me booze!”

 

He can feel Jensen relax into him and let go of the breath Jared didn’t even realise he was holding.

 

“Oh come on,” Jensen says. “Not like it’s the first time.”

 

“I’m pretty sure it is,” Jared argues. “I think I’d remember you getting me drunk to exploit my virtue.”

 

“Champagne,” Jensen points out. “When we first met.”

 

“Pfft,” Jared waves it off. “That doesn’t count. That wasn’t just for me.”

 

“Right,” Jensen deadpans. “Because really, I was trying to impress Chad the whole time.”

 

Jared laughs and pulls him into a kiss. They make out lazily for a while when Jared abruptly says: “I’m flying home on Sunday.”

 

“Already?” Jensen asks incredulously.

 

“I was supposed to stay for two weeks,” Jared says not looking at him. “I outstayed my welcome. My Mom asked me the other day if I was maybe staying for good without telling her,” he laughs mirthlessly.

 

Jensen doesn’t say anything for so long that it startles Jared when he finally speaks.

 

“Well,” he says, voice devoid of all emotion, “we knew it was coming all along.”

 

They just lay there silent until Josh comes home. If he’s surprised to see Jensen there, he doesn’t show it. When he asks what they’ve been doing all day long, Jared waves the hand he’s holding the remote with in the vague direction of the TV. He hopes Josh doesn’t ask what was on. He hasn’t got a clue.

 

~~~~~

 

The week passes by in a blur. Jared honestly can’t say where the days went. One day he’s getting little gifts for friends and family back home, and the next it’s Friday and he’s back at Danneel’s for what he knows is his last night wit Jensen.

 

They order in Chinese. He jokes and says it should’ve been some traditional German food, but no one wants to eat bratwurst and sauerkraut. It’s hard for him to eat anything, really. That doesn’t stop him from ripping his fortune cookie with the enthusiasm of a five year old. He frowns at the German writing on the tiny paper.

 

“This is Chinese to me,” he says, and Danneel reads it out for him: “Das nächste Geschenk, das Sie erhalten, würden Sie für nichts in der Welt umtauschen. Meaning, the next gift you receive, you wouldn’t give up for anything in the world.”

 

Sappy as it is, Jared thinks he’s already got everything he could think of.

 

He’s got Jensen pressed against his side, their fingers intertwined, and there’s nowhere he’d rather be. He can’t ignore the ticking of the proverbial clock, though. Once the lights are out and he’s got Jensen’s warm skin covering him, the ticking only gets louder.

 

Jensen’s kissing him slowly, tracing every inch of his body with his clever fingers, and Jared really wants to enjoy it, wants to savour these last moments. He just… can’t. Instead, he’s staring at the ceiling, already a million miles away, somewhere in the future. He knows it’s stupid, he knows he’s wasting precious time, but he can’t help it.

 

Jensen must notice it because he stops whatever he’s doing, braces himself on his elbows above Jared, and looks at him.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asks. “You want me to stop?”

 

“No, of course not,” Jared says, and he doesn’t, he just wishes he could get into it. He wishes he could shut his brain out and think with his dick like a normal guy would. It doesn’t work.

 

“Jared, tell me what’s wrong,” Jensen repeats. Jared takes a deep breath, then speaks.

 

“It just… this is our last night together. I want it… I want it to be…” he huffs irritably. “I wanted it to be special. God! I’m sorry, I’m being a girl.”

 

“No, you’re not. We’re not children, Jared. You can talk to me, you know,” Jensen soothes.

 

“Yeah,” Jared agrees halfheartedly.

 

“I’ll tell you what,” Jensen says. “How about we just don’t do anything for a while?”

 

Jared instantly feels the tension releasing. “Yeah,” he says. “That would be good.”

 

Jensen is amazing. He just holds Jared and rubs circles on his back, not saying anything, until Jared cranes his head up and kisses his neck. Things heat up in no time and soon Jensen has Jared begging him to fuck him now.

 

“I want you to ride me,” Jensen says, and makes Jared hide his face into the crook of his neck and shake his head.

 

“Why not?” he asks. “I think you’d love it.” Jared just shrugs not lifting his head.

 

“Jared,” Jensen says, clear amusement in his voice. “Are you… embarrassed?” Jared’s face heat up and he wishes the earth would swallow him. He keeps his eyes shut tightly when Jensen presses a finger under his chin and lifts his head up. “You’re adorable, you know that?”

 

Jared rolls his eyes and determines to show Jensen adorable. Bracing himself on one arm, he positions himself above Jensen and slides down on his dick in a quick move. He hisses with the burn.

 

“Easy,” Jensen says, but that doesn’t make it go away and Jared can’t move. Carefully, Jensen pulls out and lays Jared back down.

 

“It’s hopeless,” he says jokingly. “You fuck up all my hard work.” Jared swats him on the head, then pulls him down into a laughing kiss. “Shut up and fuck me,” he mutters, and Jensen does.

 

~~~~~

 

The alarm set on Jensen’s cell phone is supposed to give them enough time to say goodbye. It doesn’t. He’s got Jensen wrapped tightly in his arms and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to let him go. Jensen stirs a little, opens his eyes, and smiles. There’s no joy in it.

 

“Hi,” he says quietly.

 

Jared doesn’t say anything, just kisses him. He’s memorising it all: the feel of the skin on Jensen’s back underneath his hands, the taste of Jensen’s tongue in his mouth, and the warmth of Jensen’s breath on his neck when he breaks the kiss and snuggles into him.

 

He fights the tears for the briefest moment but it’s a lost battle and he lets them flow freely, holding Jensen a little closer.

 

“Hey, hey, c’mon, don’t cry,” Jensen says in between the kisses. It has to be at least a little bit gross, the tears and the snot (because Jared is full on sobbing by now), but he doesn’t seem to mind. “This isn’t a goodbye, you know it isn’t.”

 

But it sure as hell feels like one to Jared. Especially when Jensen extricates himself from his arms and gets up.

 

“I have to… I gotta… I don’t want to, God, I don’t want to but I have to get to work,” he says and goes to the bathroom. Jared uses the time he’s away to pull himself together as best as he can, so when Jensen gets back, he’s sitting in the bed, staring at his hands. The bed dips under Jensen’s weight.

 

“I really have to go,” he says quietly.

 

“I know,” Jared murmurs and he hates that he sounds like a petulant child but he just cannot help it.

 

“Look at me,” Jensen pleads, but Jared just shakes his head. “You think this is easy for me?”

 

“I don’t know… Yes?”

 

“Well no, it isn’t. I wish I could stay. I wish you could stay. But you know it’s not happening, at least for now.”

 

He moves up to sit next to Jared and pulls him closer. “I will come to see you. In a couple of months. We’ll talk all the time. You can text me and we’ll e-mail. And I’m coming over there soon. Okay?”

 

He lifts Jared’s chin up and holds it until he nods.

 

“Okay,” he smiles. “I… I really have to go now, Jared.”

 

And then that’s it. One last kiss, the one Jared refuses to break until Jensen pushes him away, gently but resolutely, and then he’s gone.

~~~~~

 

Jared still has to pack before the farewell dinner later tonight; they’re just about to leave the apartment, when Danneel’s cell goes off. She answers, then hands him the phone saying: “It’s Jensen.”

 

“Hello?” he barely chokes out.

 

“Hey,” Jensen says on the other end. “I just wanted to say… I don’t think I’ll get the chance to talk to you later, so I guess… have a safe trip home, Jared.”

 

Jared doesn’t really know what to say to that (thanks? seriously?), so he doesn’t say anything.

 

“Jared?” Jensen sounds insecure for a moment, so uncharacteristic for him. “Are you there? Are you… are you okay?”

 

Jared’s having trouble breathing, let alone thinking or finishing his sentences. “I don’t want to… I don’t think I can… I couldn’t eat a thing earlier.” He doesn’t know why he says that.

 

“Well, maybe you should try using your mouth. I don’t recall doing anything to it,” Jensen says and Jared can tell he’s smirking.

 

“Fuck you,” he says, but he can’t help smiling a little.

 

“Mm yeah, that rings a bell.” Jensen’s trying to make him laugh, so Jared makes an effort to do so, but it comes out more like a whimper.

 

“Oh yeah, I definitely remember that. Tell Danny I hope the neighbours didn’t complain too much.”

 

Jared blushes and laughs for real now. “I’ll tell her no such thing. Hey listen,” he adds, “we’re having some sort of a farewell dinner tonight. You should come.”

 

“Jared…” Jensen trails off with a sigh.

 

“No, I mean, you know, only if you…”

 

“We’ll see, okay? But I’m not making any promises. I think maybe it’s best if… Sorry, Jared, I gotta go, they need me. I…” he pauses as if he can’t decide whether to say something or not. “I’ll be seeing you, Jared.” And with that he hangs up.

 

~~~~~

 

Jensen doesn’t come to the dinner, and if Jared’s being honest with himself, he didn’t really expect him to. Josh, Danneel, Sophia, and Chad are there, and to Jared’s surprise, he doesn’t have the time to mope. He pointedly refuses to acknowledge the empty chair across the table.

 

They share childhood memories and laugh till they cry. Danneel tells them about the time when Jared was just a baby and he peed up Sophia’s nose. Chad laughs so hard he snorts beer through his nose and calls Sophia So-PEE-a for the rest of the night. It’s only funny for the first couple of times.

 

They talk about this and that, but when they come to the topic of weddings, Chad pulls out a pack of cigarettes and announces he’s going out for a smoke. Then he drags Jared along. Sophia rolls her eyes, but doesn’t say anything.

 

“You smoke?” Jared asks incredulously. “I had no idea.”

 

Chad laughs. “I don’t, actually, but it’s an awesome excuse to get out when I need to.”

 

“You’re evil,” Jared says fondly. He can’t help but like him. This weird, douchey guy somehow got under his skin when he wasn’t looking.

 

“So where’s the lover boy?” Chad asks and Jared immediately re-evaluates his feelings. “I figured he’d be here.”

 

“He… I don’t really know,” Jared gives up on trying to make an excuse for Jensen. “I really wanted him to be here. I… honestly, I don’t know how I’m gonna… I’m gonna miss him so much.”

 

Chad takes a step back and raises his hands as if to keep Jared away.

 

“Dude. Don’t tell me gay shit like that.”

 

“What did I… What the hell, Chad? You were the one who brought up the subject of gay sex not so long ago, but this you have a problem with?”

 

“Yeah well, taking it up the ass is like, a million times less gay than talking about missing taking it up the ass.”

 

“Whatever, dude. You’re a freak.”

 

“You love it and you’ll miss me, bitch,” Chad says patting him on the shoulder. Jared knows it’s Chad’s way of comforting him. He’s probably counting it as hug, the idiot.

 

“Yeah,” Jared says, and he means it.

 

“C’mon,” Chad says after a few moments of awkward silence. “Let’s go make sure they didn’t somehow tie me to the old ball and chain in absentia up there.”

 

“Chad, did you just speak Latin?”

 

“Shut up, princess. I’ve got layers, okay?” Chad sounds somewhat offended. “And just so you know, if they do trick me into marrying, you’ll be the flower girl.”

~~~~~

 

Getting on the plane home is the hardest thing Jared’s ever had to do. He doesn’t cry, but he feels nauseous, his eyes red and puffy. There’s a woman in the seat next to him that says: “Are you okay, sweetie?” He nods, and she smiles knowingly: “Leaving some nice girl behind, huh?”

 

“Something like that,” he says in cracked voice, and shoves his earphones in his ears, turning the volume on his discman up. Maybe, if the music’s loud enough, it will drown out the thoughts in his head.

 

~~~~~

 

Despite the Jensen-shaped hole he’s got carved in his heart, it feels good to be home. His mom gets a bear hug and a son that’s a little more grown up than he was a month ago. Tom gets a random Bravo Hits CD, just what the fucker deserves. Jared’s actually pretty sure he’s gonna like it because he’s an idiot like that, and it feels vindicated when Tom ends up humming Es ist geil ein Arschloch zu sein for the next few weeks. Sandy gets a bottle of Hugo Boss’ brand new perfume Deep Red. She also gets all the dirty details. She claims it’s the best present ever. Jared gets an empty bed. He doesn’t think it’s a fair trade.

 

For a while, Jared exchanges text messages and e-mails with Jensen almost all the time. He wakes up to Jensen’s good morning and goes to sleep with his good night. They chat on MSN when they happen to be online at the same time, which is not that often due to different time zones. They even try chat sex once. Jared hates every second of it, missing the feel of Jensen’s touch on him and refuses to repeat the experience.

 

In April, Jensen and his dad come to Texas. There’s a wedding to attend somewhere near Amarillo, and Jared expects Jensen to visit, if only for a short while. He knows it’s a long drive but Jensen said he’d come. Jared makes a promise to himself: if Jensen makes it, he’s going to go back to Germany in summer. If he has to beg, steal, or borrow, he’s going to be there.

 

He knows Jensen’s only staying in the States for a week, but he’s sure he can steal a couple of days for him. On the day of Jensen’s arrival he wakes up at dawn. He’s too excited to sleep. He spends the day yelling at everyone who so much as looks at the phone, and he keeps checking his cell for signal and battery about every five minutes.

 

Finally, late in the afternoon the call comes.

 

“Hello?” he says breathlessly.

 

“Hey, Jared,” Jensen says and Jared knows, he knows, by the tone of his voice that he’s not coming. “Listen…”

 

“You’re not coming, are you?” Jared tries really hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice, but he can tell he’s failing miserably.

 

“I wanted to,” Jensen says.

 

“Bull! If you wanted to, you would. It’s that simple,” Jared grits out.

 

“Jared, please…” Jensen sounds tired, but Jared finds it hard to sympathise. “It’s not, it’s not that simple.”

 

Jared’s not listening to him anymore. “D’you know I was gonna come back to my aunt’s in the summer? I don’t know how, but I was gonna make it somehow. I was gonna cross the ocean for you. And you can’t even make a few hundred miles for me.”

 

“Jared. I can’t get out of this. I’m needed here.”

 

“Why can’t you just say you’re visiting me for a couple of days?” Jared knows he’s whining, and he’s just about to take that back when he realises Jensen is awfully quiet.

 

“Oh my God,” he breathes when it hits him. “He doesn’t know, does he? Your dad. You haven’t told him. You were never going to tell him.”

 

“Jared…” Jensen tries weakly, but Jared cuts him off.

 

“God, I was so stupid! Josh warned me, but I thought… I don’t even know what I was thinking!” Jared’s yelling now but he doesn’t even care. “Why did you even… Is this your idea of fun? Fuck, Jensen! Just… Fuck this!”

 

He slams the phone down and doesn’t pick up when it rings again. He doesn’t read the few mails that come in the following weeks. He deletes the texts the moment he sees the sender’s name.

 

The disappointment hits him hard. For days he mopes around the house. Rationally, he knows that Jensen never promised him anything, but still he hoped that… He just hoped, is all.

 

It’s his mother who snaps him out of it. She sits him down and talks to him.

 

“Honey, I know you’re hurt,” she says gently, but meaning business. “But if he wasn’t willing to fight for you, then he’s not worth your pain. You need to let it go, sweetie.”

 

It’s funny how mothers are indeed always right. It’s pretty fucking depressing, too.

 

~~~~~

 

To Jared’s surprise, the person he stays in touch with is Chad. Even a year and a half later, they e-mail pretty regularly (mostly Chad just sends him links to porn) so Jared knows what goes on in everyone’s life even before Sophia calls him or his mom talks to her sister. He was the first in his family to find out that Danneel’s pregnant all thanks to Chad, who must’ve used some sort of a web tool to create a huge sparkling gif that read “Josh knocked Danny up!” Jared thought the blinking penises in the background were overkill, though.

 

They chat via MSN at times too, mostly when Chad’s at work. The guy’s responsible like that. It’s what they’re doing, Chad in the middle of describing a lap dance some random friend of his got at his bachelor party, when he suddenly types: “Speaking of, Jensen’s getting married.”

 

Jared stares at the screen of his computer. The letters dance in front of his eyes and he’s trying to think of something to type but nothing comes to mind. It’s all the same, his fingers feel numb anyway, it’s not like he could type even if he tried to.

 

Chad doesn’t notice the lack of reply, or he does but decides to ignore it, and continues: “Some chick named Stephanie. I dunno where she came from, man. One day the guy’s sucking dicks like it’s going out of style, and the next he’s dragging around the ball and chain. What the fuck, amirite or amirite? Like, the other night, we were all hanging out and she said something, something random, I dunno, and he starts yelling at her, like, flips out, totally loses it. I swear, it’s like I don’t even know who the guy is anymore.”

 

At that point he apparently does notice Jared hasn’t said a thing for a while so he types: “Jared? You there, man? Dude, is this thing working? Did you get anything I wrote? Fuck this, one day I’m gonna throw this piece of junk through the window if it keeps fucking up.”

 

Jared snaps out of his stupor and writes: “I got it. Can we now not talk about Jensen?”

 

And he’s got to give it to Chad, he knows when to shut up.

~~~~~

Epilogue

 

Now

 

Jared snaps out of his reverie. He looks down at his hand and finds the photograph still in his hand. He’s kissing Jensen in it. He realises only now that Jensen isn’t even looking at him. He’s looking at the TV, if he remembers correctly. He sticks the photo back behind the picture of the twins and puts the album down. Then he picks up the phone.

 

“Hi, Mom, it’s me.”

 

“Oh hi, honey. I take it you got the message.”

 

“Yeah… listen, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to… you know, work and… the dogs… Maybe Meg could take her boyfriend if she wants to go.”

 

“Jared,” his Mom sighs. “Don’t you think Sophia and Chad deserve as much as you showing up at their wedding? You should go.”

 

“Mom…” He rubs his forehead. “I’ll think about… I’ll see if I can make it, okay? Is that good enough?”

 

After a brief pause she says: “Okay. Whatever you say.” And then, as if she doesn’t really mean for him to hear, she adds: “I thought you let it go.”

 

He hangs up, gets to his feet, and stretches. He decides to take his dogs for a run. When he gets back, there’s a new e-mail from Chad in his inbox. “You better be coming to my wedding, bitch!” it says. He smiles and replies: “Congrats, man! Good to hear Sophia’s finally making an honest man out of you. And I’ll let you know if I’m coming or not as soon as I can.”

Not a whole minute after he hits send Chad’s squinting face pops up in the Skype window and Jared has no choice than to pick up.

 

“You listen to me now, you ginormous fag! You get your giant flamingo ass to my wedding or I’m coming to drag you over here myself. We need a flower girl!”

 

Jared laughs. “Fuck you,” he says, and then adds in a more serious tone: “I really don’t think I’ll be able to-”

 

“Just so you know, someone’s been asking about you.”

 

“Chad, I’m warning you-”

 

“Or what? You’re not gonna come to see me get hitched? Look at me tremble.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about him. He’s married and-”

 

“Was.”

 

“… I don’t care… Wait, wha-”

 

“Apparently, he decided he needed more balls in his life than he currently had.”

 

“Chad,” Jared frowns, “don’t be mean to the poor girl.”

 

“Who said anything about her? I’m talking about Jensen, man!”

 

“What? I don’t… What are you… huh?” Jared puts together eloquently.

 

“Yeah, man. He finally grew a pair, told his Dad to fuck off, quit his job, moved out, filed for a divorce… It was beautiful! I mean, I wasn’t there , but damn, I wish I were!”

 

Jared just stares at Chad’s smirking face. Then his own grin almost splits his face in two.

 

“Chad,” he says carefully, “how would you feel about a coffee maker as a wedding gift?”

 

“Oh no, you fucker,” Chad says. “I deserve no less than a 40-inch LCD TV. And you have to wear a pink dress.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” Jared waves him off. “Now hang up, I have a flight to book. There are places to go, people to see, and apparently, flowers to throw.”

 

~END~ 

(Or is it?)


	3. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding invitation from across the ocean takes Jared back to Germany.

To his credit, Jared considers dress shopping for a full minute. He ends up packing a dark gray suit in the end. The tie he brings is pink, though.

He’s nervous. He’s nauseous. There’s a very real possibility of vomiting as he and Megan board the plane. It reminds him a great deal of the first time he held a ticket to this very destination in his hand. Once again he doesn’t know what to expect at the other side of the ocean.

 

There’s a voice inside of his head that mocks him, tells him he’s delusional. It tells him that five years is a long time, time in which people change, grow up, grow out of things … And people, it adds an afterthought. But there’s a louder voice coming from his heart. And it hopes.

Megan is excited. She makes him retell the epic story of his visit five years ago for the thousandth time during their flight. He deliberately avoids talking about Jensen. She gives him a few odd side glances when she picks up on it, but she doesn’t insist. She just steadies his hand when he starts tapping it on his knee nervously as they’re about to land.

Danneel picks them up in Frankfurt. They’re staying with her and Josh this time. Their old apartment is gone, exchanged for a two-story house. It makes sense, what with two children and all, yet Jared can’t help but to feel something resembling mourning for the loss of the room that held a special place in his box of memories.

Two words from Danneel’s mouth, bachelorette and party, are enough for the girls to squee Jared’s ears off. For the rest of the drive he’s being completely ignored in favour of planning what to wear. He doesn’t mind. It gives him an opportunity to be alone with his thoughts.

“Holy fuck, you’ve grown!” Josh exclaims in greeting upon their arrival home.

“Could be you’re just getting old and shrinking,” Jared retorts and engulfs Josh into a bearhug. It’s all it takes for Jared to feel right at home.

 

There’s no time for catching up at that moment because the twins demand their due attention, feeling neglected in the presence of the two strangers. In almost no time they take to their giant smiley uncle and Jared’s heart melts a little at Amber’s nonsensical rambling that never ceases, while Ashley just soaks everything up, all wide eyes and toothy grin.

It’s only after the kids have been tucked safely into their beds that the grown ups get the chance to sit down and catch up.

“They’re adorable,” Megan says and it’s not sucking up, she really means it.

“And a handful,” Danneel says, but she’s smiling, evidently pleased.

“All right, serious business talk,” Josh says suddenly and Jared looks at him questioningly. “Tomorrow night, man. Bachelor party.”

Danneel groans. “Here we go,” she says mock annoyed.

“Shut it, woman,” Josh sounds amused. “A man is giving up his freedom. A farewell to it is in order.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she replies already getting up. “Come, Meggie, I wanna show you my dress.”

As they leave the room - and Jared suspects they’re up to something more in lieu of gossiping than mere dress showing - Josh turns back to him and announces: “Tomorrow night we’ll party like it’s 1999.”

“Wow,” Jared says in an awe. “You really are old.”

“Fuck you,” Josh replies playfully. “Actually, I should probably leave that to-” He pauses suddenly. “To- to someone else,” he finishes awkwardly. They fall into uncomfortable silence. Jared wants nothing more than to ask about Jensen, but somehow he can’t make himself say “And speaking of, how is Jensen?” Instead, he clears his throat and says: “So… the party?”

“Yeah,” Josh recovers. “I don’t actually know the details because Chad refuses to give anyone anything specific.”

“What do you mean, Chad refuses? Shouldn’t you guys be organising it?”

“Yeah… no. Apparently, he ‘doesn’t trust us with it’. So he’s setting it up himself. According to him, a bunch of ‘old married men and flaming homos’ aren’t capable of throwing a bachelor party for Chad ‘Mayhem’ Murray.”

Josh throws his hands in the air and rolls his eyes. Jared laughs.

“Should’ve known,” he says. “So what you’re saying is that we’re in for a surprise orchestrated by Chad?”

“Pretty much, yes,” Josh nods solemnly.

“Should I be scared?”

“If my bachelor party is anything to go by, I’d say very,” Josh grins.

“All right,” Jared considers for a minute, then adds: “Any word of advice?”

“Tonight, before you go to sleep, pray he stays away from small animals.”

Jared really didn’t expect to spend half of the night awake in his bed thinking about Chad.

~~~~~

They have lunch at Jared’s aunt’s, dropping the twins there while they’re at it. Megan oohs and aahs at the floral arrangement pictures and mother of the bride’s outfit. Jared finds it hard to even eat, let alone participate in the conversation. No one’s mentioned Jensen yet, but he’s certain he’s going to see him tonight.

He jumps off his chair before Danneel even finishes saying it’s time for them to go get ready. Megan elbows him in the ribs and whispers: “Eager much?” He doesn’t dignify her with an answer.

Jared feels more stupid with every new combination of clothes he puts on. He’s aware that whether he wears a blue shirt or a green one will make no difference to… uh, anyone. He goes with green and it’s not because Sandy once may have said something about green bringing his eyes out. Honestly, it’s not.

Around 8 o’clock Danneel and Megan get on their way to Sophia’s. Josh and Jared head to the bar that’s been set as a meeting point. It’s the same place where Jared had first met Jensen, but it’s been through a few owners since then. Jared can tell because it’s not red anymore. Now it’s orange.

When they arrive, Chad’s already there with two guys Jared doesn’t know. One’s got long, dirty blond hair and a few extra pounds. The other is really… well, bald.

“Who’s the bald guy?” he whispers to Josh as they make their way.

“Chad’s best man, Mike. Try to avoid eye contact,” Josh replies in kind, and suddenly Jared’s nervous for more than one reason.

“Jared!” Chad belows over the music and across the room. “Get your huge ass over here, princess!” He’s already wasted, possibly something else in addition. For some unfathomable reason, he’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a lei around his neck, and his drink is toxic green with an umbrella. Jared really doesn’t want to know the how or why. He’s just truly happy to see him, but not so much to start crying, like Chad apparently is.

“I’m so happy you’re here!” Chad throws himself at Jared as soon as he’s within reach.

“Good to see you, too, Chad,” Jared says patting him on the back. He’s not drunk enough for an intoxicated Chad yet, but decides to rectify it, effective immediately. Chad makes him have a shot of something suitably called a purple nurple and to his surprise, he actually likes it.

 

Two shots and a beer later the door to the bar opens. He notices because he’s been throwing glances at it about every thirty seconds or so. His heart skips a beat. It’s Jensen.

Jared’s been telling himself that he’s probably built Jensen up way to much, that reality cannot possibly match the idealised picture he’s created in his mind. Standing here now, watching Jensen getting closer, the image in his head looks like a faded copy of what’s before him. Years have been kind to Jensen. He’s built, but not overly so; his hair is perfectly spiked in that careless way that doesn’t give away the time spent on making it so; there are lines around his eyes that somehow only make them shine more brightly.

Jared can point out the exact moment Jensen sees him. His eyes go wide and he trips in the attempt to stop, turn and run, and continue walking at the same time. Josh must notice it too, because he casually says: “Oh yeah, he didn’t know you’d be here.”

Jared feels trapped, set up, because any second now Jensen will be right in front of him and he’s only now realising he’s got no idea what to say or how to act. Then it dawns on him that the guy behind Jensen looks familiar as well. It’s Chris, and Jared can’t help but feel a well known stab of jealousy. He gets irrationally angry with himself for being such an idiot. Did he really expect Jensen would be single for all this time? (Or since the divorce. Whatever.) He remembers too vividly Chris’ arm behind Jensen’s back and wants to hit his head against the nearest wall. Stupid stupid stupid keeps echoing in his head as he puts on what he hopes is a friendly smile and not a pained grimace.

Jensen seems to have recovered as well because he hugs Chad and apparently tells him something hilariously funny, judging by the way Chad throws his head back and howls with laughter. Then again, he could’ve just said hi, and Chad is simply that drunk. Jensen shakes hands with Mike and (turns out) Steve when Chad exclaims: “Oh Jenny boy, did you see who’s here? It’s Jared!”

If there was any hope this wouldn’t be uncomfortable, it’s out of the window now. With all eyes on them, Jensen turns to him. For a second they just stand there staring at each other. Then Jensen snaps out of it, extends his hand for Jared to take, and says: “Hi, Jay… red. It’s good to see you again.”

Jared looks at him unblinkingly for a moment, then forces out: “Yeah… uh… you- you, too.” And that’s that. Jensen turns away from him and engages into a conversation with Chris and Steve.

~~~~~

“All right, bitches!” Chad yells deviously. “To the Chadmobile!”

Jared’s drunk. He’s been drinking non-stop since the moment Jensen turned away from him, so Chad’s voice comes to him through the alcoholic haze. He’s drunk, but not drunk enough to let Chad drive him anywhere and he firmly states so.

“Don’t be a pussy, princess,” Chad says grinning maniacally. “Besides, I’m not driving. The limo is.”

There really is a limo outside waiting for them. The huge sign on its side indeed says Chadmobile. They climb in without order and Jared ends up pressed against Jensen’s side. He can feel every inch of Jensen’s thigh against his throughout the ride but Jensen doesn’t acknowledge his presence, not with a look, not with a word.

Jared’s too aware of Jensen being right there, so much so he can’t bring himself to pay attention to anything else that surrounds him. When everyone around him cheers, he has no idea what the reason is. He follows everyone out when the car stops and finds himself inside of a casino. They’re led into a private room with two tables, one set for a game of poker and the other for roulette. The dealers are gorgeous, half-naked girls. So are the three waitresses that greet them holding trays with glasses of champagne and scotch. Jared’s vaguely relieved there’s nothing purple in sight - apart from Chad’s shirt, of course.

They’re handed a pile of chips each and Jared decides to take his to the roulette table. As he sits down, one of the girls tries to get in his lap. She doesn’t seem to take his no seriously, just giggles and proceeds to climb atop him. She finally receives the message when he grabs her wrists none too gently and slurs: “Look, I ‘preciate it, but I don’ sw’ng tha’ way.” She looks puzzled for a second, then lets her professional smile slips back into place.

“Pity,” she says, and Jared couldn’t care less if she really means it.

“I could get someone more to your liking, if you will,” she offers.

“No, thanks,” he mutters and turns back to the table and his drink. To his surprise, he finds the glass to be empty and wastes no time getting another one.

Behind his back he can hear the rest of the gang getting louder and more obnoxious with every passing minute. Chad yells: “Read ‘em and weep, bitches!” There’s a shrill of encouragement coming from the girls. He turns around just in time to see Chad licking his index finger and his pinky to slick his eyebrows. He slaps the nearest girl’s thigh and orders the dealer to deal them in. Shifting his eyes a little, Jared meets Jensen’s eyes. Immediately, he turns back to his game and yet another drink.

The chair next to him gets pulled out and someone slides in. A floral pattern dances at the periphery of his vision as Chad throws an arm around his shoulders.

“You’re awfully antisocial, princess,” Chad says sounding too sober to Jared’s ears. “Don’t you wanna come play with the big boys?”

“Not really,” Jared mumbles, too aware of what he sounds like and completely unable to do anything about it.

“Because you prefer being a sulky brat in your corner over here? It’s my damn party you’re fucking up, man.” Chad actually sounds hurt instead of resentful and Jared really, really hates himself because of it.

“Chad…” he starts, then pauses. “Uh… sorry, man. Yeah… lemme jus’ get some air for a minute, ‘kay?”

“All right, princess,” Chad says magnanimously. “You go powder your nose or whatever it is that you ladies do in there, but then I expect you to snap out of it and be your usual sparkly self. We’re just getting started here, bitch!”

Jared smiles involuntarily. It’s impossible not to. Then he excuses himself to the restroom followed by Chad’s promise (resembling a little too much to a threat to Jared’s liking) to come and drag him back if he doesn’t return in ten.

He feels a bit dizzy and considers throwing up for a minute or two, but ends up just splashing his face with cold water. When he lifts his head up, a pair of green eyes meet his in the mirror. He doesn’t turn around, just watches, bracing himself against the sink, squeezing the edge so hard his knuckles go white.

He can read the unease on Jensen’s face. The silence is just on this side of unbearable and he almost decides to break it when Jensen says: “I should’ve come.”

Jared exhales loudly, letting out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and turns around. In an instant their mouths collide, teeth clashing, Jensen’s hand tugging his hair painfully, sink jabbing into the small of his back. His legs part as he grabs Jensen’s ass and pulls him closer.

 

It feels like they’ve only said goodbye yesterday, and it feels as if eons have passed. It’s Jensen in his arms, his familiar shape, but there’s more of him to hold, his arms stronger, his belly just a little bit softer. Jared soaks it all in, along with the deep, dark scent of Jensen’s aftershave mixed with the remnants of the cigar smoke and a faint smell of sweat on Jensen’s neck. It’s the same but it’s different - a little strange, a little better.

“Jared…” Jensen pants.

“Fuck!” Jared swears as he tugs on Jensen’s shirt. “Off,” he orders and Jensen stops roaming all over his body for just enough time to tear his shirt off and then he’s back to biting his neck and sucking on his collar bone, leaving bruises behind him like a trail of conquests.

 

Jared struggles with Jensen’s belt buckle, then manages to open it and slides a hand in. Jensen’s hard and hot under his palm, slick with precome dripping from the head. He jerks him roughly, frantically - there’s no time for finesse. Jensen grips his arms and presses his face into Jared’s neck letting out short, strangled moans. When he comes a few seconds later, he bites the flesh of Jared’s shoulder to muffle the cry that threatens to escape his throat.

Jensen doesn’t move for a little while, then slides down Jared’s body. Jared panics briefly, thinking Jensen collapsed, but gets reassured when Jensen very deliberately opens his fly and pulls his dick out. In a single move he swallows him down and Jared throws his head back.

“God,” he breathes. “Fuck, Jensen… please…” he begs not knowing for what. He looks down and the sight of Jensen’s lips around him is enough to push him over the edge. Jensen licks him clean, then comes up to kiss him.

They make out lazily, grinning into each other’s mouths when the door opens and Chad’s head peaks in. He has a hand over his eyes but his fingers are spread wide and his left eye is looking straight at them.

“All right, cock lovers, get your asses out of here if you can still move. We’re ready to roll!”

Obediently, they follow.

~~~~~

When the Chadmobile stops at the next point on their itinerary, Jared pulls Chad to the side.

“Chad,” he says, not quite believing he has to point it out. “It’s a strip club.”

“I know,” Chad beams at him. “Awesome, yes/yes?” He actually names the multiple answers options like that. “I figured you losers might get me a stripper. A stripper. Chad ‘Mayhem’ Murray needs more than one stripper on the last night of his freedom.”

“It’s naked women, Chad,” Jared tries again.

“Exactly,” Chad pumps his hand in the air. Some things never change.

“Do you not see what I’m aiming at here?” Jared asks incredulously, but the point Jared’s trying to make hits Chad only when Jensen comes and slides his arm around Jared’s waist.

“Oooh,” Chad says finally. “Right.”

“Yes,” Jared nods. “There you go.”

“But… naked women!” Chad actually pouts, bottom lip quivering on top of it.

“Heaven forbid we deny you your share of naked women, Chad,” Jensen intercepts the tears that are threatening to roll down Chad’s cheek. Jared makes a mental note of asking to be taught this particular skill. Looks like it might come handy. “We were just wondering,” Jensen continues carefully, “if we could maybe, possibly, in any way be… excused?”

“Are you asking me to grant you leave from my bachelor party so you can have the buttsex instead?” Chad squints at them, all evil and no tears whatsoever all of a sudden.

“No!” Jared protests fiercely, blushing hard.

“Yes,” Jensen says firmly at the same time.

“I would never stand in the way of getting some,” Chad says solemnly, hand pressed across his heart. “Go and fornicate, my children. You have my blessing.”

“I think Chad might have ruined me for sex forever more,” Jared says as he’s getting into Jensen’s car.

“I think I might be able to help you with that,” Jensen replies with a wicked grin. When he puts it like that, Jared finds it hard not to believe him.

~~~~~

Jared wakes up to an empty apartment. He gets out of bed and wanders off to the living room. He’s greeted by Jensen’s note saying he went to get breakfast and in the kitchen there’s a pot of freshly made coffee. He’s pouring himself a cup when Jensen’s phone goes off. The machine takes the call and a male voice comes through: “Hey, it’s me. So you’ll pick me up at 3 tomorrow, yeah? Wanna do something tonight maybe? Call me.”

Jared stares at the phone, cup forgotten midway to his mouth. He can’t breathe. He can’t think past I’ve got to get out of here. He fishes his phone out of his pocket, dials a number with numb fingers. Danneel picks up on the second ring.

“Hey, Jay! You up already? I heard you had a big night.” He can clearly hear the smirk in her voice.

“Danny,” he chokes out. “Please come pick me up. At Jensen’s.” The last part is barely a whisper. “Please… just hurry.”

“Jared?” she asks insecurely, all worry, none of the amusement left in her voice. “Are you all right? What happened? Did… did he hurt you?”

“I’m fine. I just… I gotta get outta here.”

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there as soon as possible.” With that she hangs up, and there’s nothing Jared can do but wait.

Next he hears the door being unlocked and Jensen comes in, smiles brightly as he notices him.

“Hey, you. Why are you up? I was gonna bring you…” He stops midsentence as he takes in the expression of Jared’s face. “Jared? What’s going on?”

“Check your messages,” Jared says flatly.

“My messages? Why?” Jensen asks incredulously.

“Humour me,” he demands.

Thoroughly confused, Jensen does what he’s asked. When the message plays out, he turns back to Jared, face torn between relieved and uncomfortable.

“Jared,” he begins, “that’s not… I mean… it’s not what you think.”

“Oh really? So you’re not dating this guy?”

“No! Well, yes, but… we’re not… It’s not serious.”

“Funny,” Jared says bitterly. “That’s actually the one thing I believe coming from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Is anything ever serious with you?” Jared tries really hard to keep his calm. “I know I sure as hell wasn’t. For fuck’s sake, you got married and it wasn’t serious!”

“That’s really low,” Jensen says averting his eyes.

“Unlike cheating on your boyfriend? Yeah, you’re the one to talk.”

“Jared,” Jensen said exasperatedly, “if you’d just let me explain…”

“You’d say what?” Jared cuts him off. “That it’s complicated? That I don’t understand? You know what? Save it. I don’t wanna hear it. I’m not a kid anymore, and newsflash - neither are you. So you might wanna stop acting like it. Or, you know, whatever. Not my business anyway. Goodbye, Jensen.” With those words he’s out of the door.

“Yeah, why don’t you run away again, Jared? ‘Cause that’s really fucking mature!”

He can hear Jensen yelling after him but he doesn’t turn back. He fears he might hit him if he does. He gets to the street just as Danneel pulls over. “Just drive,” he says as he gets in, and she does.

~~~~~

“You want me to kick his fairy ass?” is the first thing Chad says when Jared answers his phone.

“Chad,” Jared says reasonably, “you’re getting married tomorrow. Today is not the day to be kicking anyone’s ass.”

“Dude, I can totally kick his ass today without it interfering with me getting hitched tomorrow. I’m just that awesome.”

“You wouldn’t be so awesome if you ended up in the hospital.”

Jared can’t believe he has to be the reasonable one in this conversation when he kind of wants to kick Jensen’s ass, too. His own as well, only not as much.

“Hey!” Chad shrieks resentfully. “There’s no way that pansy would put me into the hospital!”

“Jensen wouldn’t. Sophia most definitely would.”

“Oh,” Chad deflates instantly. “That.”

“Yeah, that. So no ass kicking, please. It’s not that big of a deal anyway. Let’s focus on the important thing here which would be your wedding. Remember? The reason I flew over here?”

Chad snorts. “Right. That’s exactly why you’re here.”

“Fuck you,” Jared says without heat. He doesn’t need to fight a battle already lost.

“No thanks,” Chad says reflexively. After a brief pause he adds: “But if you need anything else, you know, something that doesn’t involve anyone’s dick up anyone’s ass…”

“Yeah, I know,” Jared says softly. “Thanks, man. Now go get that hangover out of your system and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Damn straight, bitch. Don’t forget, pink dress.”

Jared’s smiling as he hangs up. Maybe tomorrow won’t be that bad.

~~~~~

It’s not. Not until after the wedding, anyway.

Chad and Sophia decided they’d have a civil ceremony, mostly because Sophia never cared for religion much, but also because having the groom smitten by the hand of God, as he stepped across the threshold of the church, would probably affect the mood of the event significantly.

Sophia looks incredible in a strapless ivory dress, with her hair up, adorned with a single orchid. Chad squints even more than usual as she glides down the aisle, and Jared suspects it has got less to do with the lighting and more with the vision that she presents.

 

Jared’s told later that it was a beautiful ceremony. He cannot say for himself as the whole thing was in German. 

Afterwards, they wait for the newlyweds to come out to be showered with rice. He’s got Megan hanging off his arm like an over-sized purse. That is, if he were to carry a purse, which he does not. She elbows him hard in the ribs and whispers: “Check out the ass on that guy.”

 

He does and he has to agree, it’s pretty spectacular. Then again, what part of Jensen isn’t? Damn him and his tailored suits. Jared swallows and turns away, but not before he notices that Jensen’s standing with Chris and Steve and that neither of the two looks like they’re actually with Jensen. He distinguishes the spark of hope that flickers inside of him immediately by telling himself that the me from Jensen’s phone could very well be around here somewhere, greeting someone he knows or getting their car, for instance. He isn’t going to allow himself to go there again.

“Come on,” he tells Megan, dragging her away in the opposite direction. “I can see Josh waving to us.”

Jared makes a conscious effort to not allow himself to search for Jensen. It’s a pretty big wedding so it’s not such a hard task. He catches a sight of him every now and then, of course, but they’re not seated at the same table or anywhere near, really, so Jared actually manages to have a pretty good time. He dances with Megan and Danneel, even takes the twins for a twirl before Josh takes them back to his parents’ for the night. It’s almost midnight when Megan drags him to the dance floor once again. He’s pretty tired by then but he indulges her anyway. She’s commenting on some girl’s dress when there’s a hand tapping her shoulder.

“Do you mind if I cut in?” Jensen asks a little nervously.

“Yes, I do,” Jared grits through his teeth.

“I was actually asking the lovely lady here,” Jensen flashes her with his most charming grin.

She giggles, the traitor. “No, I don’t,” she says as she steps back. “Be my guest.” Jared is so going to make her pay for this.

“What do you think you’re doing, Jensen?” he hisses as Jensen slides his arm around his waist.

“Dancing with the hottest guy in the room, obviously,” Jensen replies, a small smile playing on his face as he spins them around.

“I’m only allowing this because I don’t think Sophia would appreciate me making a scene at her wedding.” And because you smell like something I would like to eat, possibly live in, his treacherous inner voice adds.

“Ah, but imagine how much would Chad approve,” Jensen retorts playfully. Jared tries really hard not to smile, but the corner of his lips curls against his will.

“Don’t you think your date would have something to say about this?” he tries again, while he fights the urge to pull Jensen closer.

“I think my date is perfectly happy making friends with your date,” Jensen jerks his head to one side. Jared follows the motion with his eyes only to find Megan talking to a vaguely familiar girl.

“You remember Mac, right?” Jensen grins at him.

“Wait,” Jared’s honestly confused. “You brought your sister?”

“Are you judging me? You brought your sister, too.”

“No, that’s not what… What about the guy who called, Jensen? Where does that leave him?”

“Out of the picture,” Jensen says suddenly serious. “There’s no guy, Jared. There hasn’t been a guy from the moment I saw you again a couple of nights ago. I’ve been an idiot,” he says as he stills in place and looks him straight in the eyes. “But I’ve been given a second chance. At least I hope so. And I have no intention of screwing it up again if… if that’s okay with you.” His expression turns to hopeful. “Is it? Is it okay with you, Jared?”

Jared feels like he’s been hit in the head with a flying object. He realises it’s because that’s exactly what’s happened. Sophia apparently threw her bouquet straight into him. He ignores the outburst of laughter it induces as he stares into Jensen’s earnest face. Then he makes a decision.

“Yes,” he breathes. “It’s more than okay with me.”

Then Jensen is pulling his head down and kissing him there, in the middle of the dance floor, for everyone to see. There are whistles, catcalls, and even some applause. Over the din he can hear Chad’s voice yelling as he and Sophia take off for their honeymoon: “You caught the bouquet, means you’re next, princess!” He flips him off behind Jensen’s shoulder, grinning stupidly into his mouth.

“We really doing this?” he asks still a little incredulous.

“We’re really doing this,” Jensen confirms and seals it with his lips.

~~~~~

EPILOGUE (this time really)

“I need you guys to behave, okay?” Jared says in his most business-meaning voice. “No jumping him the moment he steps in, no freaking him out, and absolutely NO biting.”

Sadie and Harley just stare at him. “It wouldn’t kill you to give me nod or something, you know,” he sighs. Harley wags his tail. “Good enough for me.” He pats him on the head and reaches for his keys. “Okay, kids, I’m off to the airport now. I don’t want to be late. God knows I’ve waited long enough.” But it’s been worth it, the voice adds and Jared can’t help but to agree wholeheartedly.

It feels even more worth it when he greets Jensen at the terminal. He looks tired, but he’s smiling widely, before leaning in and kissing him. A flock of butterflies flutter in the pit of Jared’s stomach and he’s pretty sure they’re here to stay. And this time, so is Jensen.

~THE END~


End file.
